1 Corinthians 6:9 Do not be deceived. Neither sexists, nor racists, nor ageists, nor looksists, nor ableists shall inherit the People’s Republic of God.

Luke 24:44 Then he said to them, “These are my words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that everything written concerning me in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms and the Koran and the I Ching and the Upanishads and Zulu tribal sagas and The Color Purple must be fulfilled.”

Matthew 23:25-26 Woe to you, hypocrites of any denominational affiliation! Visually challenged fools! How can a sighted person lead one visually challenged? Will he not patronize him?

Mark 9:14-29 And one in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, I brought my son to you, for he has Satan’s Syndrome; and I asked your disciples to cast it out, but they were not able.” And Jesus said, “O generation that lacks positive imaging! Bring him to me.” And later when he had entered the house, the disciples asked him, “Why could we not cast it out?” And he said, “Because of your narrow-minded reliance on Western medicine! This kind cannot be driven except by carob therapy.”

Matthew 9:18-19, 23-26 Behold a ruler came and knelt before him, saying, “My daughter is ontologically challenged; but come and lay your hand upon her, and she will live.” And Jesus rose and followed him. And when he came to the ruler’s house he saw a tumult, and a multitude weeping and wailing loudly. And he said to them, “Why do you weep? Know ye not that death is but the final stage of growth?” And seeing where the child was, he went in and laid his hand upon her. And she sued him for sexual harassment.

Matthew 5:27 You have heard it said by the dead white males, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I say unto you, whoever looketh upon a woman as a sex object hath committed sin and should hasten to make himself a eunuch for the People’s Republic of Heaven’s sake.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13 Justicelove is impatient; it taketh no crap; it insisteth on its own way. It giveth no quarter to denominational bureaucrats; it shouteth down; it condemneth not the gay, forbeareth not the straight. Justicelove believeth all things are ok if they serve its ends. Justicelove never ends; as for scriptures, they will cease; as for the family unit, it will pass away; as for moral norms, they will end. For our ideology is imperfect, and our rhetoric could use a little work, but when liberation comes, the patriarchal, oppressive notion of perfection will cease. When I was a victim of false consciousness, I spoke patriarchally, I thought patriarchally, I reasoned logocentrically. When I came out of the closet, I put away patriarchal things. So liberation, conscientization, and justicelove abide, these three, and none of these is the greatest because that would be elitism.

Matthew 26:26-29 Now as they were eating, Jesus took multigrain bread, and blessed it, and nonviolently broke it, and gave it to the disciples and said, “Comrades, take and eat; this is my body.” And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks to the Goddess, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you; for this is my blood of the Second Testament, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of guilt feelings. I tell you I shall not drink of it again until that day when I drink it without sulfites in the People’s Republic of God.”

Robert M. Price is Pastor of the First Baptist Church in Montclair, N.J.

Articles by Robert M. Price

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