SCIENTISTS NOW BELIEVE, based on the latest astronomical observations, that the end of the world will come at precisely the most inconvenient time.
China will soon surpass the United States in number of inert citizens watching game shows on television.
The number of radio receivers is rapidly increasing in the developing world, and scientists estimate that they will have sucked up all the radio waves by 2019.
If the human population continues to expand, future settlers may be forced to repopulate Detroit or Youngstown.
At the current rate of depletion, the Internet will run out of cat pictures by 2027.
When we run out of coal, Santa Claus may be forced to bring uranium ore to naughty children.
If transit ridership continues to increase, the federal government will be forced to support the automobile industry by buying luxury SUVs for intransigent transit riders, at enormous cost to the taxpayer.
By the time you finish reading this article, the future you dread will have already begun.
May 30th, 2012 | 10:37 am | #1
I always considered cat pictures a renewable resource. Pornographic pictures of attractive young women not covered in tattoos and piercings, however, are disappearing at an astonishing rate, and once they are gone, the internet as we know it will be no more.
May 30th, 2012 | 12:46 pm | #2
None of these predictions will ever come true because tomorrow never comes. Maybe Dr. Boli can explain why it’s always today and never tomorrow?
June 5th, 2012 | 10:30 am | #3
[...] DIRE PREDICTIONS. [...]
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