On-the-job training provided for candidates willing to run for President on the Republican ticket in 2016. Our analysts having determined that the candidate nearer the beginning of the alphabet obtains a slight but measurable advantage, the Republican Party is eagerly soliciting applications from anyone named Aaronson. All races, creeds, and genders are encouraged to apply; however, successful candidate will be a wealthy white male of middle age, with own hair intact, belonging to a non-scary and traditionally right-wing Christian denomination, not some freaky formerly polygamous cult. We are making an honest attempt to rectify the mistakes of the recent past and return the party to its core values.
Saturday, November 10, 2012, 5:15 AM