From Your Department of Homeland Security.
All patriotic citizens are reminded that, under Section 28, Subsection 4, Paragraph 192 of the PANIC Act, whispering is prohibited, regardless of the content of the communication. If you have something innocent to communicate, there can be no possible objection to allowing the rest of us to hear it. Your cooperation will help us protect honest Americans from terrorism and dissent.
Citizens are also reminded that, under Section 28, Subsection 6, Paragraph 312 of the same Act, it is forbidden to mention having read or received this Notice.
THE PERFECT GIFT FOR EVERY SCOUNDREL ON YOUR LIST.