Dear Dr. Boli: What is the difference between science and philosophy? —Sincerely, Dr. Tiarella von Sachs, Ph.D., Professor of Phenomenology at the Pennsylvania University of Indiana.

Dear Madam: “Philosophy,” a Greek term meaning “the love of wisdom,” once embraced all the studies we now think of as science, as well as problems of ethics, psychology, and every other branch of knowledge. The ancient Greeks classed all these as species of the same endeavor, because they believed that the way to address any question in any field of knowledge was by getting drunk and talking about it (see Plato, Symposium; Xenophon, Symposium; Theognis, Symposium; &c.).

With the advent of the experimental method, however, those branches of the discipline previously classified as “natural philosophy” drifted away from their alcoholic roots, and eventually came to be known as “science,” distinguishing them from pure philosophy, which no longer attempts to explain the natural world, considering that endeavor beneath its dignity. Philosophers, in turn, attempted to imitate what they perceived as the rigor of science by embracing impenetrable technical language and rules of reasoning. Thus we may define science as “the use of rigorous procedure and highly technical language to describe the natural world,” and philosophy as “the use of rigorous procedure and highly technical language to describe the works of other philosophers.” We may add that there is still a fair amount of drinking involved.

Second Series.

Freezing. It is now known that the freezing of water, formerly thought to be a process of crystallization, is due to simple congenital laziness.

by Dr. Aronia Baker, N.D.

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Dear Famous Nutritionologist: Why are hydrogenated oils bad for you? And are they bad for me, too? —Sincerely, A Consumer of Fried Goods in Hazelwood.

Dear Reader: Hydrogenated oils are bad for your health because they contain hydrogen. Imagine your body as the dirigible Hindenburg. Now imagine filling that dirigible with hydrogen. What do you suppose happens if a stray spark comes too near? Do you see now why hydrogenated oils are the enemies of good health?

And when, in addition to the danger of spontaneous combustion, we add the danger of nuclear fission, we can see that hydrogen is not the sort of thing you want to be eating for lunch. Bikini Atoll is still uninhabitable today because of hydrogen, and similarly the inside of your refrigerator is uninhabitable today because of all the margarine you have stored in there over the years.

Fortunately, the food industry is at last beginning to take our health concerns seriously, and many delicious snack foods are now made with heliumated oils instead of the traditional hydrogenated versions. Foods rich in heliumated oils have the advantage of making you lighter the more you eat, so it is definitely a good idea to check the label before you make your next processed-snack-food purchase.