So Planned Parenthood has acquired three clergy persons to bless the abortion wing attached to a hospital in Schenectady, New York.

Now, finding three clerks who would do such a thing couldn’t be that difficult. Think virtually any mainline Protestant denomination, or three part-timers at a local Lowe’s. But what would that blessing sound like? Who or what would they be blessing?

I decided to help them out, in the event they were at a loss for words:

O Ba’al, God of Thunder:
We beseech Ye in the name of science
In the name of self-actualization and personal autonomy
That the procedures and terminations wrought on this choice piece of real estate
Permit no hope
Silence all screams
And leave no child behind
May the technicians utilize their skills to your glory
May their knives, pliers, and drills hit the mark
May the insurance claims flow unimpeded
O Insatiable Lord of Flies,
May no discrimination be found in this place
May the Rubbermaid be open to all—male and female he pulverized them
And may the inevitable blood-soaked residuum
Be disposed of in a biodegradable fashion
O Moloch full of Might,
Unleash your wrath against all who would profane this work
By their vigils, prayers, and protests
Let the earth open beneath their feet
(But not before I have moved my car)
Cover their wretched hides with boils
With no dermatologist available until after the summer months
We beseech Ye in the name of your sons, Thomas Malthus, Vlad the Impaler, and the guy who created the one-child policy in the People’s Republic of China,
Amen.

Thanks to Dawn Eden for the tip.