Dan Brown, who is to history what Rasputin was to anti-coagulant therapy, has a new book out. But you knew that. Everyone knew that. Because it sold a million trillion copies in four minutes. It’s called The Lost Symbol and marks the return of Robert Langdon, symbologist (a degree now available online from the University of Phoenix), detective, and former star of Bosom Buddies.
Unlike Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code, the purveyors of this week’s conspiracy are not Catholic prelates but the Masons. No, not Jackie and Perry, but the 33-degree kinda Masons. It seems that Washington, D.C. is rife with Masonic symbols—from the architecture to the iconography to the city’s very grid—symbols that encode secrets that belie myths about who truly is in control of our nation’s capital, which was designed to reveal ancient mysteries that would—oh, whatever. Brown gets everything wrong, of course, but would we expect anything less, I mean more, from our author?
Anyway, Slate has this nifty “Interactive Dan Brown Sequel Generator” that will enable you to beat DB to the bestseller lists next time around.
I plugged in “Buenos Aires” and “Mounties” and discovered I had a hidden talent that is best kept hidden.
(This does remind me of those “Draw This Pirate” vocational art schools that used to be advertised on matchbook covers many moons ago. Not many people know this, but Picasso got his start in just that way. If you don’t believe me, wait until Dan Brown’s next novel, The Secret of the Sad Spanish Clown.)
September 17th, 2009 | 12:55 pm
Now Dan Brown is writing “National Treasure” stories. He should pay Nicholas Cage’s people a licensing fee.
September 17th, 2009 | 2:02 pm
Well, the difference is that “National Treasure” was, of course, a true story …
September 17th, 2009 | 2:35 pm
Would it be a breach of etiquette to say here that I really, really miss Strange Herring?
September 17th, 2009 | 3:22 pm
Yes it would. And this is going on your permanent blog-commenting record.
September 17th, 2009 | 4:02 pm
Rats. As I recall, my record was already not so great . . .
September 17th, 2009 | 9:09 pm
Okay, okay, okay. Here goes. Wait for it:
“A long-forgotten puzzle at the heart of Ottawa.
A murderous cult determined to protect it . . .
What they discover goes all the way back to Davy Crockett and the founding of the Boy Scouts of America.”
I’m waiting for you to tell me how well-researched my novel is, Anthony. I mean, there is an Ottawa, capital of the Maple Leaf State. I can sing some of the Davy Crockett theme song (“Born on a mountaintop in Tennessee, duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh dee, duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh, Killed him a bar when he was only three. Daveeeeeeee . . . &c). Plus, I’m currently trying to figure out who’s behind this stupid popcorn racket.
September 17th, 2009 | 9:10 pm
Oh, my novel is called The Serpentine Glyph, by the way.
September 18th, 2009 | 7:42 am
There may be an Ottawa, but are we certain there’s a Canada? I was told in high school that when you run out of North Dakota you’re simply in another space-time dimension.
Plus, as any schoolchild knows, at least any schoolchild who went to Huntz Hall Memorial Middle School, the Boy Scouts of America are an offshoot of the Knights Templar. Which is why part of the pledge, along with being physically strong and morally straight, is to recapture Jerusalem and drive the infidel into the sea.
Popcorn, by the way, is a by-product of the space program. Along with Tang, microwave ovens, and snugglies.
September 18th, 2009 | 11:08 am
Actually, you hit that other space-time dimension somewhere west of Bismarck. I’ve been there.
September 19th, 2009 | 10:44 am
“Plus, as any schoolchild knows, at least any schoolchild who went to Huntz Hall Memorial Middle School, the Boy Scouts of America are an offshoot of the Knights Templar. Which is why part of the pledge, along with being physically strong and morally straight, is to recapture Jerusalem and drive the infidel into the sea.”
Well, yeah. This I know. That’s the whole reason my boys are Boy Scouts. Can I put you down for ten packs of Trail’s End Butter Supreme microwave popcorn, times two? Conquer the infidel, send man to walk on the moons of Neptune, and put my household out of a heck of a lot of current popcorn-sale-induced misery, all in one fell swoop.
September 19th, 2009 | 1:57 pm
My 8-year-old nephew just got off popcorn duty at the local WaWa’s (local = not New York). He sold one bucket of the stuff for a grand total of $10. I told him to go back and tell his scoutmaster that the American colonies didn’t win their independence from France in 1842 by selling popcorn, but by drowning Napoleon III in heavy cream. The scoutmaster agreed, then threw my nephew out of the troop. So the tyke said he was going to pursue philatelics until he found out it had to do with stamps and not cutting-edge string theory, as he had been led to believe but a loquacious bus driver.
September 24th, 2009 | 9:05 am
[...] look for the upcoming Dan Brown novel, involving a secret cult within the Jedi Order, a signed photograph of James Earl Jones, and dark [...]
Links
Blogs
Find Us
Contact