Support First Things by turning your adblocker off or by making a  donation. Thanks!

Since 1982 the English Department at San Jose State University has sponsored the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest , a whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels. The contest is named after the Victorian novelist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, whose line “It was a dark and stormy night . . . ” was made famous by the novelist-beagle Snoopy in the cartoon Peanuts.

This year’s winner, Molly Ringle of Seattle, WA, beat out the competition with this cringe-inducing entry:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss—a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

That’s bad, but I think we can do worse. Add your entry for the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels in the comments section.


Comments are visible to subscribers only. Log in or subscribe to join the conversation.

Tags

Loading...

Filter First Thoughts Posts

Related Articles