[Note: Every Friday on First Thoughts we host a discussion about some aspect of pop culture. Today’s theme is "Renaissance woman" lists. Have a suggestion for a topic? Send them to me at jcarter@firstthings.com.]
After posting the list of ”50 Things a Man Should Be Able To Do,” a number of readers requested that we compile one that was oriented toward woman. Because I am unqualified to compile such a list, I asked that ladies on staff at First Things to write one for this week. Unfortunately, they weren’t able to make the deadline (I’ll post their version when its ready) so I had to make an attempt, however lame, to create the list myself.
Providentially, I only had to come up with 35 since Eishes Chayil offered to provide the first fifteen items:
1. Identify and choose quality animal and plant based textiles.
2. Select imported foodstuffs.
3. Wake up early, preferably before sunrise.
4. Prepare meals for small groups
5. Evaluate undeveloped land.
6. Purchase agricultural-based investment properties.
7. Perform the duties of a viticulturist.
8. Operate a home-based retail business.
9. Develop profitable trading strategies.
10. Volunteer for charitable functions.
11. Oversee domestic resource management.
12. Produce quilts, bedspreads, coverlets, blankets, throws, and shams.
13. Dress herself in fine apparel.
14. Speak with wisdom and kindness.
15. Fear God.
I am solely to blame for the remaining items:
16. Be able to dance in at least one style that is not preceded by the modifier, “Belly,” “Dirty”, or “Pole.”
17. Shake hands firmly.
18. Know how to apply the concept “sunk costs” to finances and relationships.
19. Help another woman remove herself from an abusive relationship.
20. Use jumper cables to start a dead battery.
21. Read a “woman’s magazine” without thinking you need to change something about your own body.
22. Put out a small fire with the aid of item found in a kitchen.
23. Fix a toilet tank flapper.
24. Comfort the dying.
25. Carry on a conversation with a close female friend without (a) talking about someone you are involved with romantically, or (b) gossiping about other women.
26. Perform basic troubleshooting on the electronic device you use most frequently (i.e., cell phone, personal computer).
27. Recognize the difference between a malicious and unintentional slight—and be able to forgive both.
28. Bring home the bacon. Fry it up in a pan.
29. Explain to a younger girl the value of modesty.
30. Match colors to your skin tone.
31. Calculate compound interest on investments.
32. Help a boy or man tie on a necktie.
33. Exhibit moderate proficiency and/or knowledge in at least one sport.
34. Calculate, in your head, the alcohol to weight ratio for yourself and the two friends that you most frequently attend social functions with.
35. Make it through the rest of your life without asking the fifty-fourth dumbest question in the English language: “Does this outfit make me look fat?”
36. Fulfill the functions of a Maid of Honor.
37. Explain to a clueless male all of the functions of a Best Man.
38. Get a male paramour to change his behavior without his realizing you were playing the svengali.
39. Be alone without being lonely.
40. Use both a slotted and Phillips screwdriver.
41. Discern when it’s appropriate to make other people feel comfortable and when the proper course is to make them as uncomfortable as possible about their behavior.
42. Encourage chivalry.
43. Take advice from a older, wiser woman.
44. Determine your net worth to within a thousand dollars.
45. Fend off a physical attack, an unwanted advance, and a full-scale invasion of Colorado by Soviet and Cuban troops.
46. Make friends that are not from your place of education, work, or worship.
47. Sew on a button without pricking your fingers.
48. Calculate the percentage off a sales item without using a calculator.
49. Identify the symptoms of a heart attack.
50. Be able to list at least 50 more things a woman should be able to do.
August 6th, 2010 | 2:59 am
I’m guessing the first fifteen are all taken from the Proverbs?
August 6th, 2010 | 3:15 am
[...] 6, 2010 by joyfulpapist First Thoughts blogger Joe Carter has posted a list of 50 things a woman should be able to do to match his 50 things a man should be able to [...]
August 6th, 2010 | 6:34 am
“25. Carry on a conversation with a close female friend without (a) talking about someone you are involved with romantically, or (b) gossiping about other women.”
Other than the Virgin Mary, no woman ever born has been able to do this, or even particularly wanted to.
August 6th, 2010 | 8:57 am
Open a Rolling Rock with her front teeth…
August 6th, 2010 | 9:30 am
Help care for an elderly mother-in-law without complaining.
August 6th, 2010 | 9:41 am
Bake a decent loaf of bread. Interact with your mother without complaining about her afterward (you are probably more like her than you realize). On that note: figure out what parts of your mother you’re okay with taking on and which parts need to be fought against. Learn to say no to social functions.
August 6th, 2010 | 10:00 am
-Discipline/spank an errant child without waiting for the father to come home from work so they can play good cop/bad cop?
-Make meals that are just as tasty as the stuff their mothers-in-law make?!
-Mow a lawn (my gf is just now learning this, to her chagrin)
-Pop her boyfriend’s hard-to-reach back pimples
-Sing
August 6th, 2010 | 10:32 am
@Sean
(I don’t know an emoticon for shaking my head in mock disappointment…) I think you must know only young women… 8-)
I have the most wonderful conversations with my women friends about our kids, religion, psychology, books, plays, music, and art. Do we sometimes talk about our husbands? yes, but rarely.
August 6th, 2010 | 10:48 am
That’s good to know, Beth, because I’ll be honest with you, rom-coms and Sex and the City have given me this fear that my wife will be discussing our sex life with her friends throughout our marriage. :(
August 6th, 2010 | 10:57 am
re: #45 – what about the Canadians?
August 6th, 2010 | 11:02 am
Joseph re: #45 – what about the Canadians?
We’d be glad to have Canadians help us fend off the invasion of Colorado. Wolverines!
August 6th, 2010 | 11:19 am
I liked a lot of these, and here are my 50 more…
1 Change a flat tire
2 Present a logical defense of a point of view
3 Balance a checkbook
4 Give a sincere, classy apology
5 Accept a compliment gracefully
6 Give meaningful praise
7 Help someone else pray
8 Protect yourself from emotional vampires
9 Be polite and gracious even when you don’t feel like it.
10 Open a bottle of wine, champagne, or beer
11 Start a campfire
12 Check the oil in the car and put more in if needed
13 Get stains out of clothes
14 Mow the lawn
15 Shovel snow / use a snowblower (yes, I live in ND)
16 Make a neat ponytail, pigtails, & braids
17 Cut a pet’s nails
18 Listen to someone else’s problems without comparing them to, or speaking about your own problems.
19 Talk about your problems when you need to, but only then.
20 Know when you need to talk about your problems and when you need to just suck it up
21 Repot a plant
22 Be honest and kind at the same time
23 Make a decision without help
24 Accept help
25 Hem a skirt or pair of pants
26 Find and evaluate the validity of information on a topic
27 Write a formal letter of complaint or praise
28 Use a pocket-knife
29 Tell someone to mind their own business (politely)
30 Be rude, if you tried polite and it didn’t work…
31 Let go of an argument
32 Laugh at yourself
33 Yell loud enough to be heard across a soccer field
34 Stand up for what is right
35 Help another person make a decision without telling them what to do
36 Walk away from a bad relationship/friendship
37 Forgive yourself while still taking responsiblity
38 Forgive others while still holding them responsible
39 Let your husband and your mother manage their own relationship without getting in the middle
40 Discipline your child without getting angry
41 Take something apart and put it back together
42 Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses
43 Give a eulogy
44 Keep a secret
45 Drive a stick-shift
46 Parallel park
47 Practice things that make you uncomfortable until they become comfortable
48 Really listen to your kids
49 Really listen to your husband
50 Really listen to God
August 6th, 2010 | 11:30 am
Sean — I don’t think the point of #25 is an expectation that women will never speak of romantic involvements or gossip.
I think the point is that they need to be able to, on a regular basis, talk about other things with each other. If you doubt that ordinary women are capable of that based on experience, I am sincerely sorry for the history of your involvement with women.
August 6th, 2010 | 11:33 am
Beth — I agree that those are all good things to be able to do, but it might be going a bit far to say that every women “should” be able to do them. Some of them are based on physical qualities or gifts that everyone simply does not have, or that diminish with age or compromised health. I’d love to be able to yell across a soccer field — God gave me lungs and a vocal quality that make it hard for me to be heard by my neighbor in a crowded room.
August 6th, 2010 | 12:50 pm
A woman should also be able to:
51-determine which goals and accomplishments are appropriate for her current season in life, and which will wait
52-wait for the proper season
53-enjoy the current season without persistant feelings of failure and inadequacy
August 6th, 2010 | 12:58 pm
And speaking of sex: A woman should comfortably be able to help her husband please her in that department. I know we men think we are automatically The Host with the Most, but usually even very loving couples require some practice. (Fortunately, the practice is highly enjoyable.) A woman should be able to tell her husband “I really don’t like that” or “I really like that.”
Where do I sign up for my daytime talk show?
August 6th, 2010 | 1:08 pm
I like the list of 50 things posted by Beth. They are definately more on target for what a woman needs to be able to do.
August 6th, 2010 | 1:20 pm
thank you for the list, BTW. I was one of the ones who asked for it, and that’s just what I told myself after reading a loooooong list of what I’m supposed to be able to do: “I sure asked for it…”
Um, do I need to be able to sew on a button without pricking my fingers?
I quilt by hand, and sew most of my daughter’s clothes and all our bedding. I prick myself nearly daily.
But then, beekeepers are stung pretty often, too.
I am wondering, but having a hard time articulating, the tension and interplay between womanly works and femininity as God-given grace.
I think there’s something mysterious, ineffable and delicious about femininity that cannot be reduced to a Fitzwilliam Darcy-ish list of required feminine accomplishment.
I believe that whatever that quality is, God’s at the heart of it.
August 6th, 2010 | 1:29 pm
(sorry for the triple post!)
I think it’s interesting that we’ve got this list going here concurrent with the discussion about The Rise of the Altar Girls.
Perhaps women need to not only know how to do important things, and to be willing to do them–but to also be willing sometimes to wisely not do them, so that the unfilled need may encourage another to develop similar skills and willingness? That we not be the Superwoman in every situation, even if we know we could be?
August 6th, 2010 | 2:35 pm
I’d like to add, as a sort of combo between Joe’s 36 and Beth’s 43 that a woman should be able to toast a couple as the maid of honor at a wedding reception without making everyone in the room squirm (by crying or otherwise). I’ve never seen one do it yet. Ugh. I usually try to leave the room for that part of the reception.
I’m trying to live up to these!
I love Beth’s. Here another few I would add:
1. Send a dish back at a restaurant, or request that some other service she paid for be re-done.
2. Pack light, if need be.
3. Go an entire day without checking facebook or twitter.
4. Serve a meal or welcome guests without apologizing for x.
5. Allow someone to take a picture of her.
6. Read a children’s book with “voices”.
August 6th, 2010 | 3:28 pm
-Squish a bug
-Kill a mouse
-Put down the toilet seat
-Change a fuse
-Debug her own computer
-Replace a toner cartridge
-Fire up the barbecue
The list is endless.
August 6th, 2010 | 3:39 pm
Also, I disagree with Joe’s #21. That’s akin (though not quite on par) to saying a man should be able to walk through an adult video store without being guilty of lust. Most women’s magazines are designed for the chief purpose of making women unsatisfied with their own bodies, own homes, own lives, etc. That’s not to say you can’t glean good tips from some of them, but the point is–just like porn–it’s all airbrushed. So it may be wiser not to walk through the magazine.
August 6th, 2010 | 7:09 pm
Pointless exercise. Everyone knows there are only two kinds of women. Those who expect man to bring them chocolate and those man enough to go get their own. All else is mere footnote.
August 6th, 2010 | 8:46 pm
Learn how NOT to be the perfect hostess in every social situation. Sometimes you only have to do your share.
August 6th, 2010 | 11:15 pm
MC,
I’ve got your #2 down to a “t” — I’m famous for it, in fact. The last time I went to Europe for almost three weeks, I had a 21″ carry on and a modestly sized shoulder tote. I left a few bits of older clothes behind and had plenty of extra room for the books I’d bought.
Stuart,
You wouldn’t last long in my house. The toilet seat and lid will already be down before flushing because, in my house, we know about aerosols and coliforms and other icky things flying around whenever a toilet is flushed.
Joe,
#3 just aint gonna happen.
Kamilla
August 7th, 2010 | 10:44 am
Sean,
Between your high opinion of the fairer sex and your expectations that she perform honors such as mowing the lawn and popping your backne, I admit, I envy your girlfriend. She is one lucky woman.
August 7th, 2010 | 12:05 pm
40. Use both a slotted and Phillips screwdriver.
What about star or allen wrench?
August 7th, 2010 | 3:40 pm
I should add that a woman should be able to access the toilet paper whether it comes off the top or the bottom of the roll.
August 7th, 2010 | 8:31 pm
I think every one of these is hysterical, esp. the man who thinks there are two types of women…one who expects man to bring her chocolate and the other that is man enough to get her own. What a riot! Whoever thought this “50 Things” list up, is simply…Brilliant!
August 8th, 2010 | 2:13 pm
Lift up the toilet seat after you are done. (What’s good for the goose is good for the gander).
Be prudent about money and share in financial planning. Don’t just leave it to your husband to figure things out.
Don’t characterize your husband’s caution about spending money as being cheap.
Be able to sit through a football/basketball/or baseball game and enjoy it. (Just once a year would be okay.)
Spend a day understanding the basic architecture of a computer. Software versus hardware, RAM versus persistent memory, the distinction between local processing and stuff running on the Internet.
Forgive your Mom for her flaws and love her.
Chip in and help your husband do things that are obviously two person tasks (e.g. hang wall paper).
Have the kids pick up once or twice a day. Don’t do it yourself every ten minutes of the day and work yourself to exhaustion.
Don’t call your husband at work and launch into a discussion about things going wrong in your day without at least asking if he has some time to talk.
Don’t get snippy if he says “No but I’ll call back in a few minutes when I’m free”.
Don’t be condescending to your husband about things that are presumably something that only women understand. (I’ve got several advanced technical degrees, yet women I know are shocked when they realize I understand sophisticated concepts such as “complimentary colors”).
Don’t expect men to ever be as sanitary as our better half. We should try, but take it from me, it’s not in our DNA. Blame Darwin.
Finally, there are a lot of things that women bring to humanity that men can’t. Understand that men realizing that is not sexism, it is profound admiration.
August 9th, 2010 | 12:57 pm
“Lift up the toilet seat after you are done. (What’s good for the goose is good for the gander).”
Except that both geese and ganders use the seat in the down position. Besides, down is the closed, at rest position for the toilet seat. It’s like arguing that people shouldn’t be expected to close closet doors or make beds because the next person is going to want to “use” them open or unmade.
August 12th, 2010 | 11:24 am
1.) Write a business plan
2.) Develop a budget and manage your expenses against a budget
3.) Serve on a board and actually contribute
August 13th, 2010 | 9:59 am
@ Sean. Don’t watch SATC. I don’t. And I certainly don’t spend my time gossiping about women or talking romance w/ female friends. The only exception to that was in the time leading up to and right after my engagement.
Generally speaking, I’d much rather talk theology, philosophy, politics, trade good recipes, or do something else that’s actually useful.
August 13th, 2010 | 10:06 am
Beth – great list. I still need to learn some of them (can’t drive stick) and others are definitely in the “need to practice” category.
Joe,, I like a lot of your list too – but I’m lousy at a lot of the mathematical items and will probably never be able to calcuate the percentage off exactly w/out a calculator – though I can get close. Thankfully, I’m almost never w/out my Droid. :-)
August 14th, 2010 | 3:03 pm
[...] I liked them both, but Inception was just amazing. Marc Cortez points us toward 50 things a woman should do and should never do (2 lists). Match clothes to skin-tone? There wasn’t anything more [...]
August 17th, 2010 | 11:50 am
@pentamom
Great qualification to my list. Maybe I should add a number 51.
51. Don’t let other people define what you “should” be able to do.
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