There had been a long tradition of giving your newborn a saint’s name if you were Catholic. And so you had a slew of Dominics, a passel of Anthonys, a clutch of Patricks, a synonym for “buncha” Peters, Pauls, and Marys. (Puritans preferred more biblical names, like Prudence, Patience, Non-Elect, and Miserable Reprobate.)
Low-church types, believing there was no biblical mandate to name your child Methuselah, began pinning more “all-American” monikers on their little bundles of alloy. And so we were blessed with Skip, Kit, Lark, Kiley, and Jerry Mathers as “the Beav.”
Well, Pope Benedict has had enough. He wants the old ways resumed, as giving a baby a Christian name constitutes “an unequivocal sign that the Holy Spirit gives a rebirth to people in the womb of the Church.”
Now, assuming the pope’s admonition crosses denominational lines, and some liberty is taken with what constitutes a “Christian” name, below are my predictions for what will become the most popular names among Christians:
10. Name-It N. Claim-It
9. Dolorous
8. Pope Honorius III
7. I’m Not Benny Hinn
6. Church Growth
5. Mega
4. Adiaphora
3. Extra Nos
2. Actus Purus
1. Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Cindy
January 11th, 2011 | 10:16 am
I was always partial to Peccata Mundi. Not to be confused with Piccata Mundi, which is a chicken dish with capers and lemon loved the whole world over.
January 11th, 2011 | 10:17 am
I named my daughter ‘Nicaea” and my son ‘Alexander’. Hows that?
January 11th, 2011 | 10:26 am
I named my car Sophia, a good Greek Orthodox name because she happens to be an Orthodox car.
January 11th, 2011 | 11:11 am
Theodore (the Beav) IS a saint’s name, and means “gift of God.”
January 11th, 2011 | 11:25 am
My priest named his son Pantaleimon. Boy better be a good fighter, because if even his godfather calls him ‘Pants,’ you know he’s gonna catch hell on the playground.
January 11th, 2011 | 11:49 am
As a life long teacher I am partical to Cassian for the martyr from Imola who was stabbed to death by his students for professing the Christian faith.
A further thought and a lugubrious one at that: in fifty years nursing homes are going to be filled with old ladies named Crystal and Madison.
January 11th, 2011 | 12:13 pm
Lawrence,
Speaking as someone who used to work with welfare rolls for the state of Colorado, I can tell you that there will also be tens of thousands of women named Trinity in those nursing homes. All of them born roughly nine months after the Matrix came out.
January 11th, 2011 | 12:29 pm
In an attempt to be “Catholic”, a family member expecting a son asked me for a “unique Christian” name for their son (everybody wants to be unique!) I was quick to refer them to the first chapter in Mathew. Being unfamiliar with it, they rushed to a bible and hand it to me. (I assumed they did not know their way around finding Mathew 1). Holding off a smirk, I began to read some of my favorites:
Ammin’adab, Nahshon, Bo’az , Rehobo’am, (a favorite), Hezeki’ah, Manas’seh, Josi’ah (good man), Jechoni’ah, She-al’ti-el (a tongue twister), Zerub’babel (not so sure about it), Abi’ud, Eli’akim, Eli’ud, Elea’zar (adding, he is not the same as the poor man Jesus referred to), Matthan, Jacob,
looking at their faces, from over my glasses (had to be there), I added: finally you can simply name the boy Joseph, after the husband of Mary certainly not after me!
January 11th, 2011 | 1:43 pm
But all the “Christian” names are Western. What do we say to our African and Asian bretheren, then? Their traditional names are somehow “unChristian”?
I do like Fallopia for a girl, though, an honest-to-God name given to an unfortunate girl in New York City. I don’t know if the family went on to have a boy, but I fear he would have been named Testicles. (Give a Greek pronunciation: TEST-ta-CLEES.)
January 11th, 2011 | 1:48 pm
Going through the Catholic liturgy, I’d lobby for
1) Kiri or Christe (I want Mara Liasson from NPR to name her daughters Kiri and Christie Liasson)
2) Gloria
3) Chelsea (in ex-Chelsea deo)
4) Allie (short for Alleluia) alternately Halle (accent on e – for Halle-luia)
5) Benny (from the ‘benedictus’)
6) Jose-Ana (a Spanish ‘hosanna’)
7) Osana (next up in alphabetical order from Osama)
8) Agnes (from everyone’s favorite little lamb, Agnes Dei)
9) Eamon (‘the body of Christ’ – ‘Eamon’)
10) Gowen (‘Gowen peace to love and serve the Lord’)
My name is Joseph, the second best of name in David’s line (I defer to Jebediah, who shares the name with the founder of Springfield, USA, on the Simpsons).
Joe
January 11th, 2011 | 2:17 pm
“But all the “Christian” names are Western. What do we say to our African and Asian bretheren, then? Their traditional names are somehow “unChristian”?”
Uh, african christians already give their children western/christian names. who knows about the asians, they might just give their children asian names that bear the same meaning as biblical names.
January 11th, 2011 | 2:36 pm
I’ve always liked the absurd sound of “Polycarp”.
Evelyn Waugh named a son “Septimus”, and I’ve always thought that was cool. I didn’t have enough children to feel entitled to use it, though. I didn’t even get up to “Sixtus”.
January 11th, 2011 | 2:37 pm
Sean, my point isn’t what they already do. It’s the implicit message that only certain names are “Christian” and all others aren’t.
By the way, what of all those Westerners whose names derive from Celtic or Norse religions but are nonetheless Christians?
Let’s see: Ashley and Alan are Celtic, Eric and Eva are Norse, Jeffrey and Joan are Anglo-Saxon. I could go on.
So, again, what makes one name “Christian” and others not?
January 11th, 2011 | 2:54 pm
Buzz, actually, Western, Christian names are increasingly popular in China. For example, one of the fastest growing names there for girls is Ma-li (Mary).
January 11th, 2011 | 3:32 pm
Huston, interesting point. What is the relationship between Chinese Ma-li, Western Mary, and Hebrew Mariam? And which is more “Christian”?
January 11th, 2011 | 4:23 pm
The Ethiopian Church is full of saints names going back tot he 4th century.
January 11th, 2011 | 4:48 pm
I do understand the Pope’s concern, though. We’ve had one too many Moon Units and Dweezils.
And can we do something about all the inane alternate spellings of otherwise common names? Keileigh!? Shean!? Krystall!? Elizzabet!?
January 11th, 2011 | 4:51 pm
I still like the name of the child of a former editor–Faith Bottum. I’m just glad Nathaniel Hawthorne did not take that name first.
January 11th, 2011 | 5:36 pm
I love Polycarp – I had forgotten about that awesome name – in grade school, a classmate lobbied for us to pray to Polycarp on Fridays during Lent. Sister Judith would have none of it.
I have a particular affection for the name Dympha, patron saint of the mentally ill (and I pray for her intercession for those who were killed in the Tucson shooting).
January 11th, 2011 | 5:48 pm
I love Biblical names, boys Adam, Isaiah, Seth,
etc etc for girls Rebecca, Rachel, Lydia etc etc
beautiful traditional names that will last forever.
January 12th, 2011 | 6:25 am
It was something of a tradition among the Catholic Remnant families in England to use the mediaeval anglicised version of saints’ names – Audrey for Etheldreda, Austin for Augustine, Bennet for Benedict, Foster for Vedast, Giles for Aegidius and, of course, Molly and Polly for Mary.
In part, it was a reaction against the Puritans’ use of OT Scriptural names; they celebrated Name Days, as much, or more, than birthdays, as a way of honouring their patron saints.
January 12th, 2011 | 9:37 am
Linguists who study onamastics have noted that unusual and invented names are more common in cultures that do not practice infant baptism. This does bleed over into paedobaptist naming patterns eventually.
Most cultures have some tradition that includes naming after ancestors, admired historical figures, or admired figures from a generation older. I think it is important that children have some cultural connection in their name.
January 12th, 2011 | 1:44 pm
I whole-heartedly agree with the argument of this thread. Unfortunately, the pope didn’t make it: the article cited uses a sloppy translation. He was commenting on the significance of the name “Christian” given at baptism, not of a “Christian name.”
January 12th, 2011 | 2:40 pm
[...] The Pope urges Biblical baby names as a means of witness and of carrying on tradition. [...]
January 12th, 2011 | 3:45 pm
I did what my mom did, which is give the saint’s name as the second/middle name. One must have a saint’s name though, that I firmly believe.
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