Well, he finally did it. President Obama had DARPA invent a time machine so that he could travel back in time to 1961 (thats where he was on his last vacation) and plant a long-form birth certificate in the office of the Department of Health in Hawaii.
You would think this would strike a blow to Birtherism . . . but not so fast! Look closely at the time date stamp. Notice how the ink on the 1 in 1961 is a bit darker than the rest? Everyone knows that on that particular font, which was produced by the Schwaab Rubber Art Company in 1960, the 1 is thicker on the bottom. That number has clearly been doctored.
The reason is that Obama was really born in Hawaii on August 8, 195813 days before the territory was admitted as a state. At the time, Hawaii was still a province of Kenya.
Ergo, our time-traveling, birth certificate-doctoring President is ineligible to hold office. All of this will be explained in detail in Jerome Corsis new book, No, Seriously, Wheres the Real Birth Certificate?