Also, often cited to couples is Norval Glenn’s research that the proportion of emotionally troubled adults is about three times greater among those whose parents divorced as among those from intact families. His research at the University of Texas at Austin found that only about a third of divorced respondents to a national survey conducted by the Office of Survey Research said that both they and their ex-spouses worked hard enough to try to save the marriage.

He concluded, “No amount of adult success can compensate for an unhappy childhood or erase the memory of the pain and confusion of the divided world of the child of divorce” (Dr. Norval Glenn, U.Texas, Austin, in Between Two Worlds, E. Marquadt, 2007).

Fortunately, marital conflicts can be resolved and divorce and the life-long damage to children can be prevented.

Sally Rogers,

It is a conclusion the researchers have no way to support. No matter how devastating divorce may be on children, there is no way (that I know of) to do a really solid study on the effects of divorce compared to the effects of remaining together solely for the sake of the children. The ideal study, which obviously cannot be done, would be to take a large number of couples with children who wanted to divorce, and randomly divide them into two groups, one of which would be allowed to divorce and one of which would be required to remain together until the children were grown.

It’s difficult to imagine there would not be significant ill effects as a result of being raised by parents who were staying together solely to provide an intact home for their children. As to whether those ill effects would be more or less severe than those of a carefully executed divorce it would seem very difficult to know.

It’s interesting how we simpletons who don’t do social science have known for about 2000 years or more what social science continues(sometimes breathlessly, or with some element of surprise) to “discover” and “reveal” to us!

They say one cannot control what happens to you but you can control how you react to the circumstances. The problem is children have to clue how to react and negotiate among the landmines so many adults pretend aren’t there.

Years later, while relating my story, one clergyman proposed that it would have helped a lot if the church had a “divorce ritual” which in part would address the children and say the divorce was not their fault and both parents continue to love and support them. I replied that I would have had no respect for any church that collaborated with adults in their efforts to absolve themselves in advance for the evil that would befall their children. I would have cursed that church to my dying day.

Personally, she was generous, wise, forgiving, and very funny — a wonderful friend to so many people.