Comments on: “How to Buy a Daughter”: Jasmeet Sidhu

By: S.L. Hersey

S.L. Hersey — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 14:51:41 +0000

That makes sense, TXW. However, it does sound as if “fake emotions” are considered advisable, in order to stave off psychological injury to the child. I’m not saying there are better alternatives, only that people who aren’t naturally affectionate towards children–or towards the children they ended up with–must have to engage in a remarkable tour de force of bottling-up. I’m a little unsettled by commenters who seem to feel that some initial cracks in their masks are “revolting” or a sign of mental imbalance.

By: pentamom

pentamom — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 14:49:52 +0000

There is also a difference between a mild, normal regret that you didn’t get the sex of child you were hoping for, and getting beyond it an loving the child you have, and this kind of entitlement attitude that makes a virtue out of dwelling on your disappointment, and out of finding unnatural and costly means to “make it right.” One is the way an adult deals with disappointment, and the other is the approach toward life of a three-year-old with precocious resources.

By: TXW

TXW — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 23:23:19 +0000

@SLHersey,
I haven’t checked but I don’t think I find the catechism tells parents to fake emotions. It would tell them to LOVE a child, a decision not necessarily based on emotions. Loving means accepting a person with all their handicap, disappointments, imperfections, gender. Loving means you know you will disappointed in others and have regrets. If a parent regrets their child or chooses favorites, even if unspoken, the child will know. This adds a lifetime of psychological injury to the child, and yes, it has happened before the IVF era. IVF will only make it more acceptable, and increase the neurosis among rich people.

By: S.L. Hersey

S.L. Hersey — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 15:16:23 +0000

Depression over having a boy doesn’t seem like the abominable parental failure that some people consider it. I imagine that throughout history, a lot of parents have been surprised–pleasantly or unpleasantly–by something about their child, and handle it with greater & lesser degrees of equanimity.

If I understand correctly, the Catholic Church has always enjoined married couples to have children–regardless of their feelings about children in general, and regardless of what they would like in a child. At first blush, requiring them to consistently fake or manufacture happiness over the results, and to mask any disappointments or regrets, seems like adding insult on top of (what, from a non-Catholic perspective, can sometimes look like) injury.

By: TXW

TXW — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 14:53:45 +0000

No matter the reason, there are lot of mentally ill patients that walk into fertility clinics. Med students going into psychiatry would benefit from doing a rotation at a fertility clinic, there’s tons of disordered rich people.

By: Sam H.

Sam H. — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 20:58:47 +0000

What about the option of adopting a girl? Was that even considered?

By: peg

peg — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 15:40:43 +0000

I pity that child if (or when) she does not match her mother’s expectations. She is competing with some fantasy daughter. In the long run, the boys might be better off by not being the focus of their mother’s dreams.

I agree that mental illness seems likely. It is a pity that her husband went along with it.

By: Gail Finke

Gail Finke — Sat, 15 Sep 2012 18:46:25 +0000

How absolutely revolting.

By: George

George — Sat, 15 Sep 2012 17:01:07 +0000

Frankly, this woman and her husband should be ashamed. As I said in the Slate comment thread, consumerism will definitely be the end of us if people, especially children, become commodities that are bought and sold for our own gratification.

By: Sally Rogers

Sally Rogers — Sat, 15 Sep 2012 15:58:56 +0000

I’m not a doctor, but this story sounds like it is describing some kind of mental illness. Lying in bed crying for weeks over the fact that your baby is a boy does not sound like a healthy balanced person’s reaction. Instead of accommodating this mental illness by catering to it, perhaps one could be helped by a psychiatrist.