What is especially hard for outside observers to understand is that the couple may be making the choices, but the parents have set the budget. That is, the couple chooses a caterer, for example, but at a price determined by the parents.

When religious people decry wedding spending, they often complain that the donation to the church is not proportionate, not understanding that it is not the couple (whom the minister is necessarily planning with) who have determined the amount of the donation, but the parents who just show up that day.

These articles always assume that the young couple is the one that pays for the wedding, and that they have complete control over the wedding. In my experience, the exact opposite is true. For my wedding (and for most of the weddings of people I know), the parents of the bride paid. And they controlled all the costs (not the honeymoon, of course). We really had very little say in how much money they spent on the wedding.

The articles always assume the young couple is the problem, that they are the ones spending/wasting money, that they are being unreasonable. But how often do they even pay or really control the wedding planning?

Shouldn’t the advice articles be directed at parents? My wife and I would have preferred a smaller wedding, frankly, and so would most people I know. All you need is the couple, a church, a priest, and some witnesses. But good luck getting pround parents to understand that.