blogs at Christianity Today:
…Some time ago in the school cafeteria, we ran into a young woman we knew well. Shawn and I had counseled her and her boyfriend the year prior. I asked her about their relationship. “I broke up with him a month or so ago,” she said sheepishly. Shawn and I tried to veil our shock.
A few minutes later, I asked her why. “He’s just not a spiritual leader,” she answered. After we parted ways, Shawn turned to me and said, “I can’t help wondering how many otherwise beautiful relationships have ended due to misconceptions about spiritual leadership.”
As we processed the news and recalled some of our conversations with the couple, we remembered her saying that he had a patient nature, was intelligent, a hard worker, and of peaceful demeanor, complementing her quite well. But she also mentioned that he rarely initiated prayer or Bible study. For her, in the end, not initiating in those areas was a deal-breaker, even though we found them a highly compatible couple that simply needed to iron out a few wrinkles. (I realize there could’ve been more going on, and I certainly don’t recommend ignoring red flags.)
It wasn’t the first time I’d heard the complaint: “He’s not a spiritual leader.” It seems that initiating prayer, Bible study, and other similar devotional activities is a litmus test for male spiritual leadership in some branches of the American church. And the common complaint by women on our campus is that men are failing in spiritual leadership; they aren’t passing the litmus test. They aren’t initiating.
But after Shawn’s comment that day, I started wondering about all the godly men who may have other spiritual gifts—just not the ones traditionally considered “male” spiritual gifts. For example, what about men who have the gift of mercy or hospitality or service or encouragement, and who are full of the fruits of the Spirit? Do we devalue them simply because they’re not at the helm or out in front but rather operating alongside their partner? Is initiating devotional activities within a relationship really what it means to lead?
November 22nd, 2012 | 10:17 am
Perhaps a read of 1 Corinthians 12 would have been helpful…
“Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.”
November 23rd, 2012 | 7:43 am
I wonder how many women who complain that a man isn’t a “spiritual leader” ever actually tried taking any of his spiritual advice?
November 23rd, 2012 | 12:38 pm
[...] a post yesterday, Eve Tushnet quotes a Christianity Today writer named Marlena Graves, who wonders “about all the godly men who may have other spiritual gifts—just not the ones [...]
November 24th, 2012 | 1:32 pm
By definition the majority of people are not “leaders” spiritual or otherwise. If you demand a “spiritual leader” then there is a good chance you won’t get married.
November 25th, 2012 | 11:11 pm
I think it’s an overreaction to our culture’s general attitude that religion isn’t manly. Evangelicals (at least, many of the ones I’ve known) are very big on the man being the leaders, especially in the home Scripture study and prayer they are also very big on. They want to be witnesses against “the World,” and to be countercultural. This is stressed in all sorts of Christian books, tapes, studies, etc. It’s sad if this would be misunderstood as saying that no man was ever acceptable if he didn’t do those things — if, as the author says, his talents and gifts were elsewhere.
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