TO: Jimmy “Big Ears” Parker, Cellblock B, Unit 9
FROM: Bernard L. Madoff High Security Investments LLC
DATE: March 13, 2009Dear Big Ears:
First I’d like to thank you for the sum you have placed with Bernard L. Madoff High Security Investments LLC and welcome you to our family of investors.
I realize $484.12 is not easy to come by here and assure you I will make the best possible use of it. Fortunately, even a modest amount of money can appreciate greatly over time, given our 37% average rate of return.
Some of the fellows here have expressed skepticism at that percentage. Just this morning, Louie Pajamas said to me, “But Bernie, in this uncertain environment, how can you guarantee such a robust return?” Or words to that effect.
I just asked Mr. Pajamas to put down the shiv and explained that through due diligence and constant scrutiny, much like the kind we are under here, we can offer yield without sacrificing safety . . . .
Read the rest at the WSJ.
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Twenty-five thousand people subscribe to First Things. Why can’t that be fifty thousand? Three million people read First Things online like you are right now. Why can’t that be four million?
Let’s stop saying “can’t.” Because it can. And your year-end gift of just $50, $100, or even $250 or more will make it possible.
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