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Okay, Anthony, I give up. What is Kris Kristofferson doing in his pajamas on a church wall in — there’s a place in England called “Uckfield?” Barking I’ve heard of. Dorking I’ve heard of. Duck End I’ve been to. Ditto Wenhaxon and Onehouse. But never Uckfield.

And this thing on his head. A compass? A gun sight?

Oh . . . wait. That’s a halo. With a . . . So that must be . . .

And apparently those are jeans He’s wearing.

I’ve never owned a pair of jeans that billowed in quite that manner. Denim doesn’t really do that. So, linen? Tencel? The kind of trousers a nice pair of huaraches would go with, maybe?

Says Marc Cornish, the sculptor:

“His clothing is being blown vigorously to add the sense of him being alive and his strength in defying earthly cares.”

Says the pastor of Our Lady Immaculate and St. Philip Neri Catholic Church, which commissioned this sculpture:

“You are always looking for new ways to enrich people in the experience of Christianity.”

You are, aren’t you. So . . . levitation and a wind machine, and a sort of “Hey, man, just floatin’ up here, lookin’ like Kris Kristofferson” . . . je ne sais quoi . . .

That’s new, all right.

You can’t buy this sculpture, because Our Lady Immaculate and St. Philip Neri already shelled out £35,000 for it. That is, they didn’t personally. It was done in their name by the Catholics of Uckfield.

But I feel sure it’s coming soon, in tasteful cast-resin miniature, to a catalog near you.

[Rating: .5/100]

Read more about it here.

PS: I know of that practice of replacing a crucifix above the altar with a figure of the Risen Christ. Clearly this isn’t He, however: this figure has no wounds.

In short, this cannot be “the Christ who is always with us.” Sorry, folks.

PPS: In fact, this sculpture bugs me so much that I had even more to say about it here.

I’ll be able to let go of this any old time now. Just wait.

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