Doesn’t anybody play air guitar any more?
Dude, you say. Air guitar? You mean, like, just . . . listening to some loud music and . . . pretending?
Yeah, see, back in the day, what you would do was, you would put on a record in your room. A record. It’s a big round thing that comes in a cardboard sleeve. You would put it on this thing called a turntable, and you would spend some time fiddling with the bass levels on your tuner, because ideally your parents, watching the Lawrence Welk Show downstairs, would need to see the ceiling light fixture vibrating when you turned the music on. And then you would stand in front of the mirror and play an invisible guitar.
Dude, you say. No video-game component? That is sick and wrong.
Well, it was a simpler time. We had to make do with what we had. It was just you and your turntable and your tuner and your tweeters and your woofers and “Smoke On the Water.”
Dude, you say. But you had nothing actually in your hands. No actual pretend guitar. That is wack on so many levels.
As I said, it was a simpler time.
Guitar Praise; or, “Holy Smoke on the Water”
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