Yesterday’s post on dating websites sparked a number of interesting reactions from commenters. Kelly Ames Smith argued that dating websites (whatever the value of their algorithms) are useful sorting tools for finding men serious about making a commitment:
I met my husband online on Ave Maria Singles. Before we met, I had dated several other men over a five year period–all of whom I met online. During that time, not a single male in the city of Chicago (where I lived at the time) asked me out on a date. Lots of them followed me around and flirted, but none of the conversations even led to a cup of coffee. Several of my other girlfriends who were also tired of the (lack of) Chicago dating scene also met their husbands on various Catholic dating sites. I’ve heard it’s gotten a lot harder over the past couple of years but still recommend that people who can’t find a date locally try the internet as without it, I would still be single today. I’m proof in the pudding that the men who are serious about dating will take the time to write a profile, add their picture(s) and pay money to a dating site to increase their chances of meeting a spouse.
Blake says it’s not personality or shared interest that matters, but virtue:
IMO the most important thing of all is comparing how the two would-be partners treat others. Do both have the same beliefs about how important relationships are, what constitutes appropriate behaviors & appropriate expectations, & how to manage to resolve conflict without killing each other in the process? If your soon-to-be spouse mistreats dogs, parents, friends, or (especially!) ex lovers, leave NOW.
Pentamom makes a point that occurred to me in reading Kelly’s post:
I think another problem is that there are dating sites, and there are dating sites. There are matchmaking sites, like Catholic Singles and eHarmony and Reformed Singles that are populated by people seriously looking for marriage partners, with a serious outlook on life and (for the most part) an understanding that you don’t look up a profile and “find” the perfect person. You use it as a tool to find possibilities. And then there are, well, the others.
Ave Maria Singles sounds a lot different from what I’ve heard about sites like OK Cupid, which old classmates of mine use as a way to manage a string of, ahem, casual relationships.
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