Saying Thanks

Saying Thanks August 3, 2017

Robert Emmons’s study of the “new science of gratitude” (Thanks!) begins with a discussion of what gratitude is and implies.

To say thanks is to say “yes to life. We affirm that all things taken together, life is good and has elements that make it worth living. The acknowledgment that we have received something gratifies us, either by its presence or by the effort the giver went into choosing it” (4). 

Saying thanks is also an acknowledgement that “the source(s) of this goodness lie at least partially outside the self. The object of gratitude is other-directed; one can be grateful to other people, to God, to animals, but never to oneself” (4). 

This “ecstatic” form is one of the unique features of the disposition or emotion of gratitude. Many other passions can be self-directed. Gratitude implies an other, and in particular an other who is favorably disposed to us. And that implies a cosmology, an anti-cynical one: “Gratitude also implies a recognition that it is possible for other forces to act toward us with beneficial, selfless motives. In a world that was nothing but injustice and cruelty, there would indeed be no possibility of gratitude. Being grateful is an acknowledgment that there are good and enjoyable things in the world” (5). Gratitude acknowledges the possibility of serendipitous good: “The grateful person senses that much goodness happens quite independently of his actions or even in spite of himself. We are the recipients of help from others, both past and present, and we need to be reminded of this” (8).

Because gratitude acknowledges an external source of good, it is incompatible with radical claims to autonomy. It is, fundamentally, inimical to pride: “Gratitude implies humility—a recognition that we could not be who we are or where we are in life without the contributions of others” (5).

Though Emmons is willing to describe gratitude as an emotion, he stresses that it involves cognition, thought, and reflection. Re-cognition—stress on both parts—is an essential component of gratitude. It’s an intellectually substantial emotion, “not for the intellectually lethargic.” Saying thanks “belongs to the realm of thinking: the two words stem from common etymological roots” (5).

It’s on account of this cognitive element that gratitude can be transformational, turning apparent disasters into surprising blessings: “Maybe you were terminated from a job, a marital relationship dissolved, or a serious illness befell you. Gradually, you emerged from the resulting darkness with a new perception. Adversity was transformed into opportunity. Sorrow was transformed into gratefulness. You re-cognized the event” (6).

Gratitude is social not only on the front end (we acknowledge receipt of some good from something or somebody) but on the back end (it extends out in generosity). Emmons quotes Elizabeth Bartlett’s account of her response to her debilitating illness: 

It is not enough for me to be thankful. I have a desire to do something in return. To do thanks. To give thanks. Give things. Give thoughts. Give love. So gratitude becomes the gift, creating a cycle of giving and receiving, the endless waterfall. Filling up and spilling over. To give from the fullness of my being. This comes not from a feeling of obligation, like a child’s obligatory thank-you notes to grandmas and aunts and uncles after receiving presents. Rather, it is a spontaneous charitableness, perhaps not even to the giver but to someone else, to whoever crosses one’s path. It is the simple passing on of the gift (7).

Gratitude uproots socially and personally damaging emotions. Lack of gratitude, by contrast, “inevitably to a confining, restricting, and ‘shrinking’ sense of self. Emotions such as anger, resentment, envy, and bitterness tend to undermine happy social relations. But the virtue of gratitude is…a firewall of protection against such corruption of relationships” (10).

What do we say when we say thanks? Quite a lot: We say things about ourselves and our limitations, about the presence of good in the world and in other people, about the potential for new life to spring from disaster. Saying thanks is saying “Yes” to life, and to be grateful is to be determined to keep on saying “Yes.”


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