A Catholic publisher in England has come out with a Prayer Book for Spouses that includes a “Prayer Before Making Love”, which reads:
Father, send your Holy Spirit into our hearts. Place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes. Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will,” it says. “Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, forever and ever. Mary, our mother, intercede for us. Amen.”
Gene Veith asks:
Would this be a mood killer? Or is it actually sexy? If the former, that would demonstrate Lauren Winner’s point in her book Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity, that sex has become so disordered that extramarital sex has become the model for marital sex. In this view, sex has to seem transgressive and illicit in order to be stimulating. Whereas, in reality, sex in marriage is a good work, a normal part of household life, and a true blessing of God. Married people have the authority to have sex by virtue of the office and the vocation that unmarried people do not. We need to recover sex as a family value.
From a theological perspective, a prayer before marital sex makes perfect sense. So why does it seem to us American Christians to be such a peculiar concept? (We can’t blame it on Puritanism—our default explanation for all our uncomfortable feelings about —because our Puritan ancestors would have likely thought the idea to be a matter of common theological sense, if not common practice.)
September 18th, 2009 | 10:52 am
This just doesn’t seem very necessary. It just seems kind of wierd. Why do we have to be so self conscious about living? The glory of God is man fully alive. Not man fully alive + extra prayers just to make sure we are still pious.
September 18th, 2009 | 12:46 pm
If I can’t be trusted on how to behave WITH MY HUSBAND, then just send me to Hell now.
Bring back the Imprimatur, please….
September 18th, 2009 | 1:50 pm
this would be a total and complete mood-killer for me. different people find different styles of sex, sexy. For example, some prefer a more careful gentle approach. Others occasionally enjoy aggressive sex. Who cares, as long as it’s with the person you’re committed to and it’s mutually enjoyable. Pious prayer before sex would kill my libido for like a week (which is saying a lot).
September 18th, 2009 | 1:51 pm
No, not the Imprimatur. We don’t need to be regulated and treated like kids. Bring back real faith, instead of this hyper-self-conscious pietism (which, it is true, is a reaction to the tragic craziness of the 1970s)
September 18th, 2009 | 3:13 pm
That’s what Tobias did on his honeymoon.
September 18th, 2009 | 3:43 pm
This prayer is truly abysmal. Sex has indeed become disordered if someone thinks this beauty pageant recitation is appropriate for a husband and wife. There are two prayers that relate to conjugal sex. One, possibly, is: Lord, grant us a baby. The other is: Lord, keep me faithful to my spouse in thought and deed. Of all the times one might need to pray for fidelity, right before making love is not one of them.
September 18th, 2009 | 3:56 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Rev. John M. Taggatz. Rev. John M. Taggatz said: ROFTERS A Prayer Before Sex? http://bit.ly/MMF6C [...]
September 18th, 2009 | 6:28 pm
Seems to me the prayer should take place afterward – maybe along the lines, for some anyways, of “Thank God.” Either way, something short and sweet.
September 18th, 2009 | 7:00 pm
Veith says that if this is a mood killer for someone, then that means that they’ve absorbed the attitude that sex has to be transgressive to be exciting. But that clearly doesn’t follow. There’s a lot of room between praying about sex before sex, on the one hand, and imagining oneself as fornicating before having sex with one’s spouse. I suspect that the best attitude is in that middle space.
That said, it seems right to me that we shouldn’t find it inexplicably weird to pray before sex, at least sometimes – maybe on the wedding night or anniversaries, if that seems appropriate. But recognizing that sex is a prerogative of marriage and part of a sacrament doesn’t require saying a special prayer together every time. Still less does it require thinking that that prayer is “sexy.” It’s the latter remark that’s really weird. Of all the things that a prayer might be, even this prayer, why should our measure of approval or regard for it be taken by whether or not we find it “sexy.” Please.
September 19th, 2009 | 12:48 am
Yes, please. Sexiness is not something that Christians should think about.
September 19th, 2009 | 12:59 am
[...] sex with something, naughty, bad or dirty (at least in a believer’s language). In his post on First Things, Joe Carter references a book that contains prayers before sex. While we could argue we should pray [...]
September 20th, 2009 | 12:55 am
I once heard Prof. James Nestingen, retired from Luther Seminary, speak of a long-married Lutheran couple who, immediately prior to having marital relations, kneel at the side of their bed and say grace.
September 21st, 2009 | 6:00 am
[...] Joe Carter at First Things, responding to my post on prayer before [...]
September 21st, 2009 | 9:46 am
[...] seen this noted before, and usually in the context as a “mood killer”. Hmm, any experimental [...]
September 21st, 2009 | 9:47 am
[...] seen this noted before, and usually in the context as a “mood killer”. Hmm, any experimental [...]
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