When I saw the headline—New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths—I assumed that social scientists were once again wasting taxpayer dollars doing research to confirm what we already know. But then I saw that it was from The Onion and realized that it was meant to be satirical:
A study published Monday in The Journal Of Child Psychology And Psychiatry has concluded that an estimated 98 percent of children under the age of 10 are remorseless sociopaths with little regard for anything other than their own egocentric interests and pleasures. Data shows that many seemingly innocent children—such as this one—are not to be trusted.
According to Dr. Leonard Mateo, a developmental psychologist at the University of Minnesota and lead author of the study, most adults are completely unaware that they could be living among callous monsters who would remorselessly exploit them to obtain something as insignificant as an ice cream cone or a new toy.
“The most disturbing facet of this ubiquitous childhood disorder is an utter lack of empathy,” Mateo said. “These people—if you can even call them that—deliberately violate every social norm without ever pausing to consider how their selfish behavior might affect others. It’s as if they have no concept of anyone but themselves.”
“The depths of depravity that these tiny psychopaths are capable of reaching are really quite chilling,” Mateo added.
As they say, it’s funny because its true. Stephen at The Guild Review agrees and wonders if the editors of The Onion have been reading Augustine:
[Y]ou might notice that the “study” sounds a lot like a modern, secularized version of St. Augustine’s doctrine of original sin, and of the doctrine of concupiscence. The gist of St. Augustine’s argument and of the “study” is the same. Even the cutest little kids have seriously twisted wills, are self-centered, and manipulative. Even the quote near the end of the article stating that “the disorder is considered untreatable” meshes fairly well with St. Augustine (indeed, orthodox Christian theology, in general) that sin cannot be treated like a simple disease.
Sadly, as The Onion article explains, most adults “refuse to believe they are sharing their homes with merciless predators.” This is generally why they are unprepared when these little monsters reach the next stage of advanced sociopathy and become—shudder—teenagers.
December 8th, 2009 | 3:07 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by First Things, Michael McKinney. Michael McKinney said: RT @ROFTERS: St. Augustine and The Onion on Unrepentant Sociopaths (Also Known As “Children”) http://bit.ly/4EYH3n [...]
December 8th, 2009 | 10:12 pm
[...] 9, 2009 in Uncategorized First Thing’s blog picks up on the [...]
December 9th, 2009 | 10:10 am
So, “unless you become as little children” should read “unless you become as little sociopaths?” To the extent this article is meant seriously, it is a very one-sided and distorted view of childhood. It is miles away from Augustine’s emotionally sympathetic remarks on children, realistic as he is about original sin.
December 9th, 2009 | 1:53 pm
Important to note that, in this case, “orthodox Christianity” does not equal “Orthodox Christianity”. The Christian East never agreed with or adopted Augustine’s 5th century innovations regarding his interpretations of “original sin”.
December 9th, 2009 | 2:49 pm
You left out the best part, the matter of fact QED that the condition is untreatable — “”Just look at the way most adults act.”
Paul, which article do you mean, “to the extent that this article is meant seriously”, this post at First Things, or the Onion’s original piece?
Nothing in the Onion is meant seriously, (paradoxically, that does not change the fact that it is often true…)
(Save the Liturgy, Save the World)
December 9th, 2009 | 5:20 pm
“…an estimated 98 percent of children under the age of 10 are remorseless sociopaths with little regard for anything other than their own egocentric interests and pleasures…”
This is true…satire or not. Which is why the article seems so real!!!
Kids without discipline would be monsters in fullgrown size (or at the least—quite obnoxious and probably divorced several times).
Right now, I am not having a good day with either the 5 th grader OR the college student! In the real world, outside of my protection, both would not be sociopaths…but both would face rude awakenings!
December 9th, 2009 | 6:59 pm
Gere, I know the Onion is a satirical paper. But, contra Joe Carter and other readers, I don’t think it’s satirizing children so much as child psychologists. Hence, if there is a truth to be gleaned from the piece, it is, not that children are sociopaths, but that child psychologists are (or tend to be) pompous windbags. Anyway, as long as we’re taking the joke seriously, I do think it unjust to lump all children together as sociopaths. I say this, not only as the father of small children, but as someone who remembers being a child. Do children have darkness in their nature as a result of original sin? Yes, and much more do adults. But I object to what I perceive as a glib over-simplification of the mystery of childhood, a mystery that Augustine profoundly described in his Confessions.
December 9th, 2009 | 7:19 pm
Just re-read the pertinent parts of the Augustine’s Confessions, Book 1, Chapters 6 and 7. He does emphasize the dark aspects of infancy, e.g., the jealousy of two babies sharing the same breast. Since I don’t feel equipped to argue with Augustine, I simply add that there is another side to children, the side that is held up for imitation in the Gospel.
December 12th, 2009 | 1:52 pm
I see children everyday at the bookstore where I work and I concur that they can be clever and devious in their efforts to get what they want — such as the small boy who after pleading with his grandmother for a particular book said, “my mommy would have bought this for me.” But, I am astonished as well by the concrete diversity in children. Twins with completely different characters and one and two year olds with already apparent and distinct traits. The Onion piece is funny, like comics who do jokes about their spouses. But you know there is another, personal side… Paradox is funny; complexity not so much…
December 13th, 2009 | 10:39 am
There is no listing for Leonard Mateo on the website of the University of Minnesota..
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