Do introverts fit in at church? That’s the intriguing question Richard Beck, an associate professor and experimental psychologist at Abilene Christian University, asks in an important post on introverts and the Imago Dei:
The answer, obviously, is that it depends upon what kind of church we are talking about. In liturgical churches I expect introverts and extroverts fare about the same. But in non-liturgical churches they may fare differently.
Specifically, non-liturgical churches tend to be more sociable churches. So, let’s call them that. That is, there are liturgical churches and there are sociable churches. Sociable churches tend to emphasize relationality among its members. For example, a large part of the sociable church experience involves lengthy greetings (being greeted and greeting others), adult bible classes that are conversational and oriented around fellowship (e.g., in my church we sit at tables drinking coffee, eating donuts, and chatting), and the in-depth sharing of personal prayer requests.
This is not to say that liturgical churches aren’t sociable or don’t have sociable facets to them. It’s just the simple recognition that going to a Catholic mass (the prototypical liturgical experience) differs greatly from my day at church at the Highland Church of Christ in Abilene, TX. My experience is heavy on the “visiting,” as they say here in Texas.
In these highly sociable churches there is an implicit theological theme that marries sociability with spirituality. That is, being sociable—visiting intensively, and being willing to “get into each other’s lives”—is highly prized. To a point, this is understandable. A sociable church is going to rely on extraverts to make the whole vibe work.
But introverts fare poorly in these sociable churches. The demand to visit, mix, and share with strangers taxes them. Worse, given that these social activities are declared to be “spiritual,” the introvert feels morally judged and spiritually marginalized. As if their very personality was spiritually diseased.
As an introvert who has always attended non-liturgical “sociable” churches, I can relate to the feeling that my lack of sociability was a sign of spiritual malaise. Fortunately, several years ago I stumbled across a quote by C.S. Lewis that has provided both comfort and a challenge: “Some people are ‘cold’ by temperament; that may be a misfortune for them, but it is no more a sin than having a bad digestion is a sin; and it does not cut them out from the chance, or excuse them from the duty, of learning charity.”
We church-going introverts often find it difficult, especially in smaller congregations, to find the right balance between being true to our natural temperament and being relational and loving to our neighbors. Its encouraging that others are beginning to recognize this struggle and that our standoffishness is not necessarily snobbery or aloofness (though at times it can be). But as Lewis noted, out natural temperament does not relieve us of our duty to be loving and kind to our extroverted neighbors.
On a related note, Adam McHugh has written a book on this topic, Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, that I plan to review for the Evangel blog.
February 9th, 2010 | 10:06 am
I value the social part of church. When my kids moved away I advised them to make sure to join a church where they could make good friends their age and have a social life that revolved around those friendships. Church should not be a once-a-week experience. It should be more like a family where we take care of each other. I have often wondered how liturgical churches do that.
February 9th, 2010 | 10:15 am
Joe,
“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And in praying do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
– Holy Gospel of Saint Matthew 6:5-8
February 9th, 2010 | 10:55 am
On the C. S. Lewis quote — chattering is not charity. Indeed, because it raises chances for detraction and slander and other forms of malice, it can be the very opposite of charity. Indeed, it is far from unknown for extroverts to regard it as a credit to themselves to pester and harass introverts and blame the introverts for selfishness if they don’t want to be pestered and harassed.
February 9th, 2010 | 1:54 pm
Barry — liturgical churches tend to have daily prayers and/or Mass. My family’s life revolves around our little parish: at least a selection of children and I attend Mass daily (and talk to the priest and other Massgoers at least briefly afterwards), and on Thursdays, after our weekly Latin Mass, Father teaches Latin to a group composed of church ladies, one elderly man, and a bunch of homeschooled kids and their mothers, while my oldest daughter teaches a Latin class for the younger children. We then hang out all afternoon with our homeschooling friends, until Eucharistic Adoration that evening, after which we hang around and talk to people we didn’t see during the afternoon.
Choir on Wednesday night. Sung Vespers during Advent and Lent, with refreshments after. People we see and speak to after Confession on Saturday afternoon.
I mean, if you’re asking how liturgical churches do it, that’s how. The liturgical life is pretty darn full, and you can’t avoid other people, though very little of what goes on is explicitly, or merely, social, which frankly is a huge relief to an introvert like me. I hate walking into groups of socializing people. Walking into Mass I don’t mind, because there’s really only one Person I’m going to see.
On the other hand, I’m very grateful for all the other people, who notice when we’re not there and call to see if we’re okay. That might be a function of small-town life as much as anything else, but it’s also a function of the dailiness of the worship, and the fact that after a while, the people who bother to show up every morning do start to know each other.
February 9th, 2010 | 2:35 pm
As an introvert to the point of psychological disorder, I always appreciate any attention paid to this problem.
But my template for the church has always come from the Pauline statements that the church is a body, and that we are members (organs and limbs) of it, each with his own job to do, needing one another. I have to assume that involves more than formal gatherings, but profound personal interaction. Life in community, in some form. There I fall down.
February 9th, 2010 | 9:47 pm
The spiritual acts of mercy might be a better guide than a standard of “profound personal interaction.”
February 10th, 2010 | 5:02 am
[...] are leaving out–indeed, alienating–a whole class of people. Namely, introverts. Joe Carter cites and discusses some recent writing on this topic. Such as this from Christian experimental [...]
February 10th, 2010 | 12:55 pm
[...] are leaving out–indeed, alienating–a whole class of people. Namely, introverts. Joe Carter cites and discusses some recent writing on this topic. Such as this from Christian experimental [...]
February 10th, 2010 | 8:25 pm
It will be a small non-liturgical church whose members interact on a personal level, for example by lengthy greetings or shared prayer requests, during a Sunday morning service. Typically, these interactions take place in small-group Bible studies or during coffee hour. As Mrs. Thomas shares, liturgical churches do these things, or activities like them, just like non-liturgical, evangelical churches.
The existence of the liturgy itself may provide additional opportunities for social interaction. The women of my parish get together periodically to clean the sacristy and organize the altar linens for Holy Week. I suppose liturgical churches that meet in places not dedicated to that purpose are rare, but I have been a member of several. This means most members must arrive early and stay late to set up and clean up.
In fact, my Anglican parishes are such close communities, I have skipped church there in favor of a Roman Catholic Mass where I would not have to introduce myself or talk about my week or even recognize anyone or be recognized by anyone. But someone could have the same anonymity at a large non-liturgical church.
People do expect and want the church to be a friendly place. However they work out their relationships with their fellow church members, I think introverts need to be careful that their temperaments do not lead visitors to think a church is unfriendly. If a church has coffee or classes after its services, visitors should be invited. If visitors come, they need to be welcomed. Usually, an introvert can rely on a more extroverted member to greet visitors, but no one, especially a visitor, should be allowed to stand embarrassed and alone in a parish hall.
February 12th, 2010 | 9:20 pm
Amen to that! I’ve found it especially hard, as an introvert, going to a new church and getting to know people. Too many churches do leave you to sort it out for yourself and it is daunting! I personally like liturgy bcause of the opportunity to worship God without the rah-rah element of evangelicalism. I think a big problem for introverts is the emotional demand of sociable churches. You’re expected to emote on command in worship services, and while I think it’s unrealistic for everyone, it’s especially hard on introverts. We do all need to connect to other Christians and to God, but some of us are better in smaller groups.
February 16th, 2010 | 1:58 pm
The liturgy itself also directly builds community in a quieter way than the social activities of other churches. Praying all the same prayers and studying the same passages at the same time are shared experiences that build community in ways similar to sharing individual prayer requests. As a catholic, I can also draw on friends around the country for insight into a Sunday service, because my friends across the country hear the same Bible passages and pray the same prayers I do each time I attend church.
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