[Note: Every Friday on First Thoughts we host a discussion about some aspect of pop culture. Today’s theme is "Renaissance Man" lists. Have a suggestion for a topic? Send them to me at jcarter@firstthings.com.]
Every man does not need to know how to tie a bow tie. Let’s get that clear up front. I don’t know why it is on every “Things a Man Should Know How to Do” list but it’s simply not true. If you have a reason to wear a bow tie (e.g., you’re going to prom, your name is George Will) then you can ask someone or you can look it up. That’s what Google and preppie college Republican exist.
But there are some things that every man should be able to do. Here are fifty. Not necessarily the fifty most important (though some are), just fifty things a man should be able to do if he wants to live a good life.
1. Forgive your parents – They did the best they could . . . or they didn’t. Either way, you’re a man now so it’s time to move on.
2. Ask your parents to forgive you—You know what you did. They do too.
3. Change a diaper so that the baby is cleaner and you are no dirtier than when you started.
4. Perform CPR and the Heimlich maneuver.
5. Use a soldering iron to fix a loose connection.
6. Comfort a child—If you want to judge the character of a man, observe how he treats a child. He may not have any himself—he may not even like kids—but if he can provide them comfort when they are scared or hurting then he can’t be all bad.
7. Cook one signature dish.
8. Calculate square footage—Width x length.
9. Innocently flirt with a woman at least twice your age—Without causing offense or being disrespectful, of course.
10. Write three coherent, connected, and grammatically correct paragraphs—If it’s really necessary, you should be able to repeat the process well enough to add three more. Unless you have a job that requires extensive writing, that’s probably all you’ll ever need to get by.
11. Navigate your way around an unfamiliar city without getting completely and utterly lost.
12. Differentiate between various types of mortgages and insurances and know which one is best for your situation.
13. Get a prostate exam without crying.
14. Know what a prostate is.
15. Make and follow a budget so that you can get out of—and stay out of—debt.
16. Tell a spellbinding (though not necessarily true) story.
17. Survive in water for at least a few minutes without drowning– 71 percent of the earth’s surface is covered by water. You’re bound to fall into it sometime.
18. Know the four lifesaving steps—stop the bleeding, start the breathing, protect the wound, treat for shock.
19. Give a great compliment—Tip: Be specific, be sincere.
20. Tell a joke that is (a) clean, and (b) funny.
21. Make a brief, informative speech in public without having an anxiety attack and/or using PowerPoint.
22. Type with more than two fingers.
23. Know how to use the mass transit system in any city within 100 miles of his home.
24. Use reference materials to find out any information that you’ll ever need to know.
25. Recite the Ten Commandments from memory—If you remember them, it’s easier to follow them; if you follow them you’ll avoid about 90 percent of the self-inflicted damage that will screw up your life.
26. Carry on a conversation with someone who bores you to tears.
27. Recognize when you are boring someone to tears with your inane banter.
28. Make a plan for the first 24 hours after a zombie apocalypse—Sounds silly but you’d be surprised how much you can learn about yourself by thinking through unlikely scenarios.
29. Perfectly cook scrambled eggs.
30. Push-start a car with a manual transmission—By the way, as I learned in the summer of 1988, you can’t push start a car with an automatic transmission. (I still don’t know why I was stomping on the brake as if it were a clutch.)
31. Tell the difference between snark and wit.
32. Properly maintain your basic form of transportation, whether it be a car, bike, horse, feet, etc.
33. Grow food—even if you never owned a vegetable garden, you need to understand the basic theory of how to grow food. When the zombie apocalypse happens, you’re going to be hungry.
34. Make it through the rest of your life without saying the thirty-seventh dumbest sentence in the English language: “I have to learn for myself.”
35. Endure an insult with grace.
36. Wash a load of white clothes without turning everything pink.
37. Load, shoot, and clean a firearm.
38. Admit being wrong in a situation that will cost you dearly.
39. Physically protect your loved ones and be willing to risk life and limb if necessary to keep them safe.
40. Lead your family in prayer.
41. Cogently explain and defend your most fundamental beliefs, preferably without raising your voice.
42. Hug another man.
43. Take harsh criticism without being defensive.
44. Differentiate between love and lust—and avoid the latter.
45. Recognize wisdom and know how to get it.
46. Help someone who is vomiting (without throwing up yourself).
47. Write a letter of recommendation.
48. Write a love letter.
49. Avoid the Three A’s That Ruin Your Life: Anger, Adultery, Apathy.
50. Be able to list at least 50 more things a man should be able to do.
July 23rd, 2010 | 8:26 am
Nice list, Joe. I’m glad you included #37 (yes, everyone should know how to safely operate a firearm).
I’d add another one:
Physically build something in your life–a deck, a birdhouse, a bookcase, a bowling trophy, whatever. Just build something. (I don’t know why…just seems important.)
July 23rd, 2010 | 9:13 am
51. Be able to spell prostate consistently.
July 23rd, 2010 | 9:14 am
Apparently, “spell impeccably” is not one of the things. While most of us have had some kind of trial that left of prostrate, I don’t think that’s what you had in mind. Or drowing, for that matter.
July 23rd, 2010 | 9:15 am
I can tell the difference: that’s snarky. :)
July 23rd, 2010 | 9:23 am
9. Innocently flirt with a woman at least twice your age—Without causing offense or being disrespectful, of course.
Are we allowed to count earlier times? I think I might have some trouble finding a 120-year-old to flirt with.
July 23rd, 2010 | 9:23 am
Aargh. Thanks for the corrections. My spellchecking ability declines exponentially the later it gets and I was up till 3 a.m. last night trying to finish this up. (I also had spelled bow tie as one word.)
July 23rd, 2010 | 9:24 am
Perhaps you’d consider these a part of number 32, or perhaps they are just too obvious:
1. Change the oil in a car.
2. Jump-start a car.
3. Change a car tire.
July 23rd, 2010 | 9:35 am
Be able to say you’ve never seen a reality show, or “American Idol, or “Dancing with the Stars”, or “Oprah”, or “Ellen”, or . . . . oh, forget it, the list is endless.
July 23rd, 2010 | 9:56 am
Here are a couple more:
1. Be able to survive 24 hours in the local bush – be it mountains, scrub desert, or the urban jungle.
2. Able to lead his family in prayer.
July 23rd, 2010 | 10:27 am
Steve is right: definitely build something. Other than that, I’ve found tying a bow tie (and not just because women tend to be inordinately impressed upon learning that a man can tie a bow tie) more important than 29 (which I can do, although I’ve never found anyone who actually likes perfectly cooked scrambled eggs — everyone seems to prefer them overcooked), 22 (which I cannot do, although I’ve made a pretty good living producing long documents), 5 or (sorry) 37. And 28 needs a corollary: be aware that however well you have planned for it, you will end up acting in all kinds of unpremeditated and probably disastrously counterproductive ways when the deal actually goes down.
July 23rd, 2010 | 10:39 am
While having bow tie-ing memorized isn’t necessary, I’m surprised there’s nothing on this list about knots in general.
Plenty of men, due to unfamiliarity with knots, are at a loss to even look up how to tie a bow tie, and thus wear those absurd pre-tied ones. Pre-tied bow ties are never acceptable.
My personal list of important knots: square knot, bowline, cleat knot, and the sheep shank.
I learned the sheep shank because that’s the knot that Quint challenges Hooper to tie in Jaws, and I’ll be damned if Quint ever caught me unprepared.
July 23rd, 2010 | 11:00 am
The list is too long. Much of it is not male-specific.
One thing that truly is a job for men is killing field mice that come into the house in cold weather. And disposing of the corpse.
We women are happy to poison the critters [poison being a stylish, time-honored, woman's way of killin'] but crushing them under foot or picking up the bodies is distinctly man’s work.
July 23rd, 2010 | 11:08 am
51. Shave, unless you have or want to have a beard.
Both (shaving and beards) seem to be a dying art. Many men these days, especially those under 35 it seems, can’t or won’t shave, and yet can’t or won’t commit to a beard either.
July 23rd, 2010 | 11:15 am
You know, as a fairly lazy excuse for a Boy Scout (I only got as high as Second Class), some of this stuff makes me wish I’d paid more attention and wonder if there’s some Man Scouts club available.
July 23rd, 2010 | 11:16 am
And going along with the Zombie Apocalypse theme, any man worth his salt should know how to kill Nazis.
July 23rd, 2010 | 11:59 am
1. Catch and clean a fish.
2. Bury a dog.
3. Accompany a woman shopping without complaint (I fail).
4. Read a book.
5. Listen to a symphony.
6. Haggle with a salesmen.
7. Avoid silly people.
8. Endure slight injuries, bee stings, etc., without complaint.
9. Keep quiet company.
10. Teach children to swim.
But I think you should also run a parallel men-do-not list, such as: Men do not wear clothes emblazoned w/ cartoon characters; Men do not make vulgar displays of hyper-pseudo-masculinity; etc.
July 23rd, 2010 | 12:09 pm
A number of years ago, I believe Esquire published a similar list. They included “being able to converse with a three year old.” I have always liked that. Real men can converse at length with children without condescension.
July 23rd, 2010 | 12:35 pm
T.B.Root: “But I think you should also run a parallel men-do-not list, such as: Men do not wear clothes emblazoned w/ cartoon characters; Men do not make vulgar displays of hyper-pseudo-masculinity; etc.”
Come on, you saying I can’t wear Wile E. Coyote: Genius? But I can wear some silly team logo? Absoltely not fair. Though any NHL logo is preferable to MLB/NFL/NBA, Wile E. simply rules.
July 23rd, 2010 | 12:39 pm
I find this somewhat humorous and mostly legitimate. The parts about the way a man deals with God, family, and others are most important. One can get by just fine without knowing how to use a soldering iron, but God help the one who is so full of himself that he can’t recognize his own banality or be patient with someone in a boring or trivial conversation.
As a newlywed, I’m grateful for the many qualities listed here where my husband excels and his willingness to learn how to change a diaper! I’m also grateful for the men of character I know who have influenced me.
Thanks for making a list that isn’t trivial or sheerly cultural or based on what men “don’t” do (i.e. girly things). Your list is more of a call to masculine maturity than a buttress for male ego. Many of these things are excellent, if not necessary, for a renaissance woman too. I still need to learn to use a firearm well (but I have shot a few times)!
July 23rd, 2010 | 12:40 pm
Hear, hear, T.B. Root! Great additions! I too would love to see the Men Do Not List.
July 23rd, 2010 | 12:40 pm
Men should be able to quote extensively, and in the proper situation, from a manly movies: The Godfather I, II; Patton; most Clint Eastwood or John Wayne movies, etc.
Not necessarily all manly movies, but their own personal repertoire.
July 23rd, 2010 | 12:45 pm
I too would love to see the Men Do Not List.
I think that’s a great idea. We’ll do that next Friday. In the meantime, email me suggestions about what should be on that list at jcarter@firstthings.com, subject line: Men Don’t Do.
Please email them rather than putting them in this comment thread so that we don’t spoil if for the other readers. Also, you will be given credit by name unless you ask not to be.
July 23rd, 2010 | 12:46 pm
T.B.Root: * Great list! You reminded me: Men do not go out in public with those silly, multi-colored pajama bottom pants or sweats. If you’re too lazy to get out of your pajamas, stay in the house.
July 23rd, 2010 | 12:49 pm
Be able to take a woman out for a meal, show,etc without expecting something in return.You know what I mean
July 23rd, 2010 | 1:01 pm
Great list, Joe. I would add: “Be able to give an honest but generous eulogy on the death of a friend or loved one, that acknowledges the Imago Dei in all of us.”
July 23rd, 2010 | 1:05 pm
[...] By Rob Kaiser on July 23rd, 2010 | Category: Masculinity Joe Carter at First Things has list of 50 things a man should be able to do. It is a good list – those are thing a man should be able to do. I am pretty sure that the [...]
July 23rd, 2010 | 1:24 pm
A man should be producing more than he is consuming.
July 23rd, 2010 | 1:34 pm
Bibbit, I want to be fair. (Men should be fair.) So let’s also say that men do not wear team logos unless they are members of the team. (Even then, I wonder–the famous racer Sterling Moss certainly looks more manly in his customary tweeds than NASCAR champion Jeff Gordon in his customary Tide Laundry Detergent jumpsuit.)
July 23rd, 2010 | 1:40 pm
Dare I ask for a Women Should list? I’m curious, but perhaps I should pass, out of concern for you.
July 23rd, 2010 | 1:45 pm
Dare I ask for a Women Should list?
In the interest of equal time (and because I’d be curious to see what they write), I’m going to ask FT’s female staff to put together such a list.
July 23rd, 2010 | 1:50 pm
I thought this was supposed to be a list of 50 things a man should be able to do, not 50 things an early 21st Century, latte sipping, metrosexual, Oprah watching, politically correct, uber wimpy, male gendered person, should be able to do.
My God man you’re a Marine not an airman.
Here’s my contribution:
1. Teach your children to love and serve God.
2. Instill in your children a sense of right, wrong, honor, duty, loyalty, and faithfulness.
3. Make your woman and children feel safe.
4. Make your woman and children laugh.
5. Make your children cry when they have done wrong.
6. Teach your children that success is related to effort not talent.
7. Confront adults who are mistreating your children.
8. Throw and catch a baseball (I’m not a big baseball fan but this is truly part of being an american man.)
9. Start a campfire.
10. Shoot a gun, with some accuracy.
11. Please your wife in the 1 Cor. 7:4-5 sense.
12. Quote scripture.
13. Chop wood efficiently.
14. Catch a fish. (Boy do I hate fishing.)
15. Camp out.
16. Trouble shoot computer problems.
17. Service your car.
18. Love the mother of your children.
19. Tell your Children that you love them.
20. Maintain an appearance of confidence and calm when telling your 11 year old daughter that the Doctors say she has cancer.
21. Resist temptation.
22. Present your body a living sacrifice.
23. Pray
24. Ride a horse.
25. Ride a motorcycle.
26. Row a boat.
27. Do at least one martial art extremely well.
…
I guess that’s enough for now.
Greg Marquez
July 23rd, 2010 | 2:29 pm
The “should not” list is inadvisable if it about cultural preferences and machismo. If it’s about character – in the spirit of this list, #49 – then go for it!
:-)
July 23rd, 2010 | 2:41 pm
Teach a boy to tackle
Teach a boy to steal a base
Teach a girl that boys like to tackle and steal more than they should
Teach a boy that there’s a difference between looking and leering
Teach a girl to not give boys a reason to leer
Be able to go deep into the woods and not get lost
Teach a girl to never go into the woods alone with a boy or man
Be unafraid to correct other people’s children (especially relatives) when they act badly
Drive a manual car
Use and service a lawn mower
Say grace in a restaurant
July 23rd, 2010 | 3:01 pm
[...] 23, 2010 by Marc Cortez Joe Carter has posted a list of the 50 things that he thinks a man should be able to do. I’m not sure if he means that it’s uniquely important that men be able to do these [...]
July 23rd, 2010 | 3:43 pm
Get of the computer and do something with a family member.
July 23rd, 2010 | 5:37 pm
These are [mostly] all great things.
I really like Rajiv’s contribution:
“A man should be producing more than he is consuming.”
Here are a few more:
- Know how to train a dog.
- Be able to teach other men the basics of whatever it is you are good at.
- Be willing to spend time ~really~ listening to your wife and kids when you would much rather be doing something else.
July 23rd, 2010 | 5:58 pm
[...] I just couldn’t resist sharing this one. I found it via Joe Carter’s First Things post 50 Things a Man Should Be Able To Do [...]
July 23rd, 2010 | 6:56 pm
[...] (CCD Style) A good friend of mine referred me to Joe Carter’s short piece on the ‘50 Things a Man Should Be Able To Do‘ which I found many points to agree with (Forgiving your parents) and a not a few that left [...]
July 23rd, 2010 | 9:46 pm
I think that sometime between 30 and forty a man has to be able to flirt innocently with a woman half his age as well as twice; though it has been said that there is no age under eighty when a man may safely flirt with a pretty girl of any age, safely and innocently ain’t quite the same thing.
July 23rd, 2010 | 11:38 pm
I think that most of these things are things that women should be able to do as well… In addition (as a person who works in the automotive industry) I think that all men and women should be able to tell the year make model and engine size of the car that they drive! You cant get the right parts if you don’t know what you are driving!!!
July 24th, 2010 | 1:58 am
Great list. Some ‘small print’ I would footnote (full disclosure — I’m a female):
#11 – Asking directions is OK. Using your Garmin or smartphone GPS is not.
#13 – Or bellyache about having it done. Especially if your physician is female.
#24 – For extra credit, exclude Google or Wikipedia. For double extra credit, actually go to a library and do it “old school” (literally).
#25 – This alone would save Masculinity and Mankind. ‘Nuff said.
#27 – NB. Very important, esp if you’re wondering why you can’t get dates
#31 – Touché!
I have two personal additions:
#51 – Properly score a baseball game on a proper scorecard. Then teach a young boy how to do so. [US only, to be fair]
#52 – Have the guts to decline an offer to consume porn when offered by buddies, workplace, and the like. (cf. #25 & #49)
July 24th, 2010 | 8:10 am
I’d suggest adding capturing a daughter’s AWOL gerbil…as many times as necessary.
July 24th, 2010 | 8:39 am
A man should be able to notice a harmless error by another without feeling the need to draw attention to that error.
July 24th, 2010 | 10:14 am
[...] Carter has a nice list of 50 things that a man ought to be able to do. here are a couple of them, but go check out the whole list. what [...]
July 24th, 2010 | 3:39 pm
Robert Heinlein commented on this idea numerous times. Here’s one instance (chosen because it was at the top of the Google results): “A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”
July 26th, 2010 | 11:38 am
Very interesting to read and read comments. I agree with the person who has pointed out that the way a man interacts with his God is most important.
As the mother of at least two boys, I respect the need for a man to understand how to build a campfire and change oil in the cars (not sure that there is anything my husband can’t do well…really…he’s one of those), but if he doesn’t know how to be imtimate with his Creator, none of that really matters.
I would like to add that a man should know how to open the door for all women in his presence and conduct himself like a gentleman (minus the flirting with anyone…conforming to the image of Christ is supposed to be key, and flattery is dangerous…maybe I have misunderstood you, though).
Men and women alike have only one life…don’t waste it!
July 26th, 2010 | 2:12 pm
Great list, great comments in general.
I think someone mentioned a bow-tie??? Please! Why not just also include knowing how to shoe a horse or how to plow a field? This is 2010, not 1910. The best ones on this list are those which remain true regardless of the era one lives in. Things regarding conduct, intelligence, character, basic survival skills, etc.
Building a fire, building a shelter, protecting and providing for your family, being able to practice self-discipline and self-control even in difficult circumstances, being able to be right without arrogance; strong without violence, successful without dishonesty. Being able to admit when you’ve made a mistake. Being able to both lead and follow with grace and humility, being able to converse intelligently about what you believe, having the wit to solve problems and the grit to right a wrong, fearing God – these are things that were manly long before we arrived and will remain so long after our children are dead.
I do, however, think that a man should be able to tie a neck-tie…
July 26th, 2010 | 10:55 pm
In his own home, at least:
1. Find the breaker box and reset or replace the fuse.
2. Turn off the water main
3. Deal with a stove fire rationally
4. Fix a leaky toilet
5. Set up a TV and DVD player
6. Find candles and flashlights when the power goes out
July 27th, 2010 | 5:26 am
Fascinating stuff, all. Thank you.
What’s interesting is that most of what makes up this list is the byproduct of three things: a strong mother, a strong father and devotion to God.
Those things that you teach your sons, teach your daughters as well. You want your grandsons to understand these lessons, too.
Number 18 I would change slightly. I am fascinated by how the average person cannot remain calm and act effectively in an emergency. Knowing how to summon help, lead that help to where the emergency is, perform basic first aid, fire suppression, personal protection (or more than that if necessary), keeping a scene safe until help arrives is vital.
July 27th, 2010 | 8:26 am
Sweat a pipe.
Kill a wild animal, any kind.
Field dress something.
Sharpen a knife.
Operate a sewing machine.
Sew a button.
Iron a shirt.
Drive a nail.
Read a tape measure.
Jump start a car.
and number 1 (or 2, I guess)
Poop in the woods.
July 27th, 2010 | 9:03 am
#1 Never under any circumstance screw up the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ in the first paragraph.
(e.g., your going to prom, your name is George Will)
You are going to the prom. Contraction = you’re
51. Know how to use the basic power and hand tools. Chainsaw, circular saw, weedwacker, leaf blower, hand saw, screwdriver, wrenches, etc. No excuses permitted.
July 28th, 2010 | 10:52 pm
50. Recognize that the only times when it is appropriate to get a tattoo are when one is in the military, or when one is in prison. No exceptions.
49. Know how to back a vehicle with a trailer.
48. Polish his own shoes. Own shoes that need polishing.
47. Be able to stop after one beer.
46. Wear a baseball cap in the proper orientation.
45. Be able to tell his children ‘no’ when they need it.
44. Sing the national anthem from memory.
43. Clean a fish.
42. Tell your dad you love him.
July 30th, 2010 | 12:50 pm
In relation to ties, I find that many men cannot tie a necktie never mind a bow-tie! When I worked in retail selling men’s suits it was often necessary to teach them how to tie the necktie they just bought. Also, most college students have no idea how to write a check–the one their parents gave them to pay for their school books and supplies!
July 31st, 2010 | 1:17 am
Inspired by Greg’s #20:
Be able to deliver bad, or even devastating, news with an air of composure.
August 2nd, 2010 | 6:18 am
[...] across two nice articles from First Things‘ website this weekend on 50 things a man should be able to do and 50 things a man should never do. Some of the points, though American oriented, are worth a [...]
August 6th, 2010 | 4:29 am
Be able to turn a boy to a man. Also I disagree with blindsangamon. Be able to know to only get a tattoo thats meaningful. Especially military and if a close friend or a loved one dies young. Be able to defend yourself and be able to take a life if necesary.
August 6th, 2010 | 7:34 am
Two more:
o Identify poison ivy, poison oak…
o Know the first aid to treat said poisonous plants
August 9th, 2010 | 12:13 am
If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, you should be able, using the two pointer stars in the Big Dipper, to spot the North Star, and know how to identify directions using it for reference. (If you are facing the North Star and extend your arms, your right arm is pointing east and your left is pointing west, and south is behind you.)
I think it is good to be able to identify several constellations — a few that are always visible (Big Dipper, Little Dipper at least) and a few that are more “seasonal” (e.g. Orion, Scorpio) and to be able to identify a few of the brighter stars. You should be able to tell the difference between Venus and any other bright celestial object.
You should be able to identify some, at least, of the common birds and wild flowers in your area. Your children will remember that you could do that.
You should be, or become, able to walk up several flights of stairs without getting seriously winded unless you are of advanced years or have a chronic health problem that you can’t improve.
You should know how to walk with a woman. You precede her up stairs, so that she doesn’t feel you’re walking behind her staring at her rear, but you precede her going down stairs. On a sidewalk, you walk on the outer side, i.e. nearer the street (unless to protect her in a neighborhood with louts sitting on stoops).
August 13th, 2010 | 2:02 pm
[...] 13, 2010 by Marc Cortez A while back we had some fun with Joe Carter’s 50 Things a Man Should Be Able to Do and his 50 Things a Man Should Never Do. He has now followed that up with two subsequent posts on [...]
August 13th, 2010 | 4:56 pm
How about be able to ask a woman to dance? (and at least be able to keep time)
Links
Blogs
Find Us
Contact