An easy target but it may amuse some of you: Don’t Make Fun of Renowned Author Dan Brown. The critics (this is Brown thinking)
said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.” They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description, thought the 5ft 9in man. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket.
See also The Eight Worst Sentences in Dan Brown’s Inferno. For example:
Chapter 5: Emerging from the darkness, a scene began to take shape . . . the interior of a cave . . . or a giant chamber of some sort. The floor of the cavern was water, like an underground lake.
A giant chamber – perhaps like a cave! And a giant cave with a watery floor – why, you’re right, that is like an underground lake. Uncannily so, in fact.
Chapter 6: As Langdon stared into his own weary eyes, he half wondered if he might at any moment wake up in his reading chair at home, clutching an empty martini glass and a copy of Dead Souls, only to remind himself that Bombay Sapphire and Gogol should never be mixed.
I have no idea what is going on here. I think it might be a joke of some sort. But we can be reassured that Dan Brown knows who Gogol is.
You may also enjoy Christopher Bailey’s Secret Sequel, an “Exclusive Look at Dan Brown’s Next Blockbuster Novel.” And this one of his (nothing to do with Dan Brown) is a classic: The Church of Moloch (Reformed).