Dr. Patrick Deneen has gotten all uppity and wants some kind of showdown at one of his people’s corrals between the Postmodern Conservatives and the “Front Porch Republicans” (none of whom would be caught dead doing something REALLY conservative like voting REPUBLICAN).
I emailed Pat to let him know how much I admired the fact that his reference to his folks’ love of the CSA meant that they were finally coming out of the closet as Confederates. But he tells me that really stands for “community supported agriculture.” Now I didn’t know that “the community” had any reason to have anything against agriculture. That’s where a lot of food comes from, I hear.
Pat’s certainly wrong on which team Tocqueville–the things are always getting and worse man–would play.
In terms of weapons, I told him we, being more modern and all, choose the automatic weapons available at any decent full-service, southern, suburban pawn shop (usually locally owned!). They might pick the whittlin’ knives that keep them amused like rural idiots for hours on end on their front porches while we’re relaxing inside in air-conditioned comfort watching TV, drinking cheap domestic beer made in some foreign state, and munching on big bags of processed foods we picked up at Wal-Mart and Big Lots.
And in terms of place, I told them that you guys keep whining that you’re all afraid to leave your little place for fear of getting all confused and not knowing what to do. Our virtue is much more mobile, and so we’ll come to you (which probably means, ironically, that I’ll have to leave small-town Georgia to go to the fanciest part of Washington, DC).
I also cautioned Pat–so he wouldn’t be disappointed at the turnout for this big event–that studies show that 97% of all self-proclaimed conservatives wouldn’t have anything to do with either team.
Maybe we’ll just get together and laugh those silly libertarians into submission.
June 24th, 2009 | 11:47 pm
As one of the FPR contributors who finds it difficult to get out of bed (and cross the border in my case) to vote for Republicans and who prefers the original CSA to current model, I appreciate your concern that Patrick has become overly enthused about a dialogue between the American equivalents of the Monster Raving Loony Party and the Double-tailed Dog Party (I won’t say which is which). I too would not want to jump precipitously into such a dangerous situation which might compromise the purity of either FPRers or Pomo-cons.
I am happy to see that you are still wearing your WWTD (what would T do?) bracelet. However, Patrick’s authority to make judgments on WWTD matters has significantly increased since he has some fancified position with the Frenchie’s name attached.
Perhaps the debate will be about into whose back door nature and virtue must so surreptitiously sneak. Will it be into the local Walmart in Jonesboro, Arkansas, into a shotgun shack in New Orleans, into a tenement in Chicago, into a political science department at the University of Dallas (I’m speaking esoterically, of course), or into a family farm in rural Kentucky? Let the festivities begin.
June 25th, 2009 | 5:06 am
If this works out, maybe the winner can deebate one of them thar social democrats?
June 25th, 2009 | 8:28 am
I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Let’s roll.
June 25th, 2009 | 9:49 am
If some Red Tories could be gathered up and uprooted from dialogues with social democrat types, adding them to the showdown might produce some fun fireworks.
June 25th, 2009 | 10:10 am
I agree with Jonathan. On which side do us socially conservative Red Tories/Christian Democrats fight?
June 25th, 2009 | 11:06 am
Red Tory=Christian Democrat? Does that mean socially conservative social democrat? We postmodern conservatives liked the comments by Jeremy Beer on the porcher blog about the new urbanists being too in the thrall of the servile state. We postmodern conservatives also have a certain affection for the Bohemian Tory Russell Kirk (and maybe join him in thinking that George Grant is too tonedeaf to what’s good about America–which is what you’d expect from a patriotic Canadian after all). That’s not to say we’d vote for a Bohemian Tory; it’s doubtful he would show up for work enough to give us competent and reliable government. Both “Red” and “Green” seem like scary colors to me, which is not to say that I don’t worry some about sustainability. And the combination of Red and Green (try it) is just ugly.
June 25th, 2009 | 11:56 am
I think Pat should be upset from the get-go that this a fight in which no one’s hands will actually get dirty, that no real punching will occur so neither side has to either embrace or demonize modern dentistry, and that will largely be conducted from our blackberrys via the internet. If it’s any consolation to him, I have the smaller Pearl versus the Curve so typing quickly and patiently does require a higher measure of virtue. And why not bring Arnhart into this who will explain to us in evolutionary terms why wearing red and green together is one the quickest ways for a man to fail to pass on his genes.
June 25th, 2009 | 3:17 pm
Peter, I’ve gone shooting with PJD (seriously) and you have nothing to worry about!
June 26th, 2009 | 12:38 pm
I, on the other hand, have a couple riflery trophies earned in the hills of Tennessee (seriously), so we’ll do this southern style: I’ll face Lawler at 20 paces.
June 26th, 2009 | 9:42 pm
[...] Peter Lawler at PomoCon: [...]
February 6th, 2010 | 12:09 am
[...] coinage of “premod” to describe the Front Porch Republicans who are currently at war with his own merry troop of “pomo” cons, I hereby decree that “prefab”* will be the new term of choice for [...]
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