As I look toward 2012, I realize that as a Romney guy I often feel like the kind of person who would have a party for Windows 7 . . . my candidate is  very attractive, but safe as an Osmond.

But then I realized that if I become an Obama guy, I would be one of those people who buy Apple computers: vain, proud of a small market share, and desperate to look like I am young.

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster I am not a Hilary (!) Clinton man, since that would make me a business desktop running Windows ME on the road always, because I have no real home, an antiquated operating system, with a sneaking suspicion that my time had passed.

And becoming a Palin guy is even worse, since then I would be a Blackberry guy managing fifteen things at once, but with no thought too complex for a Twitter feed or Facebook update.

But then I realized that becoming a Pawlenty guy would be like owning a beige desktop with a “jazzy” bumper sticker on the side of my CRT monitor: those whom history outran so the name died before the man.

And then I knew that if I became a Huckabee man, my problems would be even worse since I would be a Commodore 64 emulator on a Windows machine: just a guy trying to make old stuff run in a new environment.

So I guess I will stay a Romney man for now.

More on: Politics

Articles by John Mark Reynolds

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