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Good Dr. Mumford was an atheist;
He didn’t really understand the Creed.
But as a cautious-minded scientist,
He thought it would be very wise indeed
To make completely sure (per Pascal’s Wager)
That there was nothing in this Catholic bosh;
And so he locked his doors, turned off his pager,
And settled down to see if it would wash.
He analyzed two wafers of the Host
Before and after Transubstantiation,
And found no residue of Holy Ghost,
No Jesus-fibers, quotient of salvation,
Or signs of grace. He said, “The Faith is toast!”
And blew his brains all over his equations.

—J. B. Toner

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