Now, you will find this difficult to believe, but when I got married, lo these many years ago — on my last anniversary I should properly have received something bronze, like a nice equestrian statue of Marcus Aurelius — there was no such thing as software. I mean, not practically speaking. Or so it appeared. People were taking all these computer-programming classes, but when it came to planning a wedding, out came such hoary artifacts as the Calligraphy Pen and the Index Card.
Back in the day, taking your husband’s surname was already becoming a thing of quaintness, like shepherd’s crooks for bridesmaids, but I did it. And you know, it’s been a long time, but I don’t remember the name-change process as being all that hard. I remember going down to the DMV. I remember going to the Social Security office. I don’t remember doing anything else, and yet somehow, as if by magic, for last two decades, almost, I have been able to make bank deposits, see doctors, send graduate-school transcripts, acquire passports, and negotiate countless other mundane administrative tasks, all in my married name.
But never fear, Christian bride: help has arrived, whether you needed it or not. Behold the Christian Bride Name Change Kit.
How this differs from the regular old non-religious Name Change Kit for Brides I’m not sure, except that the Christian version comes with a Create-Your-Own-Vows function, with “original selections written by Christian wedding clergy!” I guess secular brides don’t take vows? Or maybe the language in the order of service the JP uses is just so darn poetic you can’t imagine improving on it.
At any rate, this software offers you the following:
12 Pages of step by step instructions and time saving name change notification tips
Federal, State, and Local government name change forms for brides.
29 Template name change notification letters to banks, doctors, credit bureaus, credit card companies, schools attended or attending, utility companies, insurances, memberships, church related affiliations, landlord, lenders, investment broker, tax preparer, attorney, employer, and others!
Form letters for the groom or the minor children of the bride or groom, helpful in the bride’s name change/hyphenation of name or change of marital status notification!
The Name Change Kit Planner, a separate planner book used for charting the name change notification progress.
A Free one month subscription to The Name Change Kit Tracker for a more detailed tracking of name change progress.
A 1-800 toll free name change notification hotline for brides.
What is my name?
Also from The Name Change Kit Tracker:
The Name Change Kit for Divorced Women
The Name Change Kit for Military Brides
The Change of Marital Status Kit for Grooms (also known as the Sorry, Chiquitas, He’s Off the Market Kit for the Victrix)
The Un Name Change Kit: “Helping 12 Generations of Men and Women Change Their Names NOT Due to Marriage or Divorce”
A 480-year tradition of helping men and women navigate the identity shoals.
Your Name-Change Software Solution since 1529.
If only I had known.