Overheard at a local shopping mall:
Jan: “Marsha! How are you girl? I haven’t seen you in ages.”
Marsha: “Hey Jan, you’re looking great. How’ve you been?”
Jan: “Just peachy. Hey, guess what? I’m going to have a fetus! ”
Marsha (excited): “That’s wonderful! Oh, I’m so happy for you. Isn’t it a blessing having parasites growing in us ?”
Jan: “Yes, but I have to confess—I’m jealous. I wanted to have twins too.”
Marsha: “Oh, I only have one now. Greg didn’t get his promotion so we decided to selectively reduce one of them.”
Jan: “Aww . . . well, that’s a valid choice. I was hoping to have two fetuses because this one is going to be used to harvest donor tissue for Alice. It took us forever to find an IVF facility that would help us with a designer fetus ”
Marsha: “I’m glad everything worked out. So when is it due?”
Jan: “My doctor says I’ll be delivering sometime in October.”
Marsha: “No, I mean when’s it due to become a human.”
Jan: “Oh, well, Bobby and I draw the line sometime within the first few weeks after birth .”
Marsha: “Hmm, Greg and I think it occurs in the third trimester but I can respect that. It’s a valid choice.”
Jan: “Hey, what happened to Cindy? I heard she was having complications with her pregnancy. Did she ever deliver her fetus?”
Marsha: “She did. Back in September. But the baby was born retarded so, you know, she did the right thing and took a trip to Holland .”
Jan: “That is so like Cindy. She has always been so compassionate.”
Marsha: “Oh, I know. She was really thinking about the child. I mean, what kind of quality of life would it have?”
Jan: “Exactly. It’s just a shame that she has to go all the way to Europe.”
Marsha: “Tell me about it. At least Cindy has the money to travel. Just think about the poor women that have to resort to back-alley euthanasia.”
Jan: “Oh, I completely lost track of the time. I gotta get going.”
Marsha: “Where’re you headed off too?”
Jan: “My local chapter of PETA is holding a protest to stop the clubbing of baby seals . ”
Marsha (shocked): “Oh my goodness, I didn’t even know that horrible practice was still going on, that’s just . . . wait, we’re in California, where is the protest located?”
Jan: “Online. In World of Warcraft some of the characters bash baby seals with clubs. Activists from across the Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor are banding together to put a stop to the atrocious seal slaughter .”
Marsha: “Oh. Okay. I see.”
Jan: “All life is sacred, Marsha. Even virtual life. If we don’t stop it there who knows where the culture of death will lead.”
Marsha: “So true. Well, kisses. Give Bobby my love.”
Jan: “Bye dear, and don’t forget. September 14th. Margaret Sanger Day . Margaritas at my house—virgin margaritas, of course.” (pats belly)
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