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All right, class. We’ve been learning how God is one God, but three Persons, and I’m wondering if anyone can tell us the names of those three Persons.

Anyone? Yes, you there.

Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer?

Um . . . well . . . those are things which the three Persons do, but they aren’t exactly names. Anyone else?

Mother, Child, Womb?

That’s a very interesting suggestion. But we’re talking about three distinct Persons, not two people and a free-floating internal organ. Do you see how that doesn’t really work?

No? You don’t?

Can somebody else help us out here?

Rock, Redeemer, Friend?

No, I don’t know where the paper and the scissors went.

Okaaaaaaay. Anyone else?

Lover, Beloved, Love?

Ummmmmm . . . . You. There in the back. Making the gagging noise. Cut it out. Does your mother let you do that in church? Let’s hope not.

All right, class. Really. One God. Three Persons. Names for the Persons of the Holy Trinity. Let’s think about this. Who can tell me the answer?

Anyone? Anyone?

Okay, you, with the lightsaber and the — what is that? A wand? Help us out here.

Obi-wan, Professor Dumbledore, and Mr. Spooky?

Okay, class, I’m counting to ten and taking deep, cleansing breaths. And — oh, look. We’re out of time. Next week we’ll be talking about the Arian heresy and — just — turn the lights out, would you — somebody?

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[Rating: 31/100]

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